Writing Tricks: Elevating Description With Character Observations

When studying the craft of writing, there are many tricks to try and classics to learn.

This includes basics like mastering your descriptions so that readers can imagine your fictional world and characters as vividly as you do.

While descriptions will always have a place in any story, if you’re looking for another way to get that info across or to elevate your descriptions to another level, give character observations a whirl.

Writing Tricks: Elevating Description With Character ObservationsSubbing In Character Observations

How it works is pretty simple. Rather than describing how someone or something looks via the narrator, you’ll instead write it as something observed by the POV character.

Narrator Description: Carla entered the room dressed in a yellow jumper.

Character Observation: Jenny lifted her weary head in time to see Carla enter the room, her yellow jumper the color of the sun. At that moment, that’s what Carla was—the sun arriving after the darkest of days.

Using a character observation over a straight-up description gives you the chance to let the reader know more about your characters.

In both examples, the reader knows Carla is wearing a yellow jumper, but with the observation example, they also know more about Jenny and how she’s having a bad day, giving just a little more depth to both your characters and story.

Elevating The Observations With Character Senses

As you’re subbing in observations, don’t forget to get the senses in there too.

Ask yourself what the POV character is smelling, tasting, and hearing, along with their visual observation.

A standard description of cars backed up along a road, traffic lights flashing, and a crowded sidewalk may set the scene, but those descriptions coming directly from the POV character as they navigate the sidewalk, jostled by stranger’s elbows, ears ringing from the near-constant blare of car horns, and eyes squinting as red light burns from the traffic light they pass under immediately puts the reader in the irritated shoes of the character. Their sense-filled observation of the surrounding setting is more immersive than a typical setting description.

Tying The Observations To The Character’s Personality

Now that you’re on a roll of writing descriptions to a character’s senses, take it up a notch and make what they’d observe part of their personality. All you have to do is ask yourself, what does this character see that no one else would?

As an example, let’s go with a main character who is a detective.

They got into the profession because they’re excellent at noticing things others wouldn’t. It’s a natural part of their personality to view others with suspicion and their profession has helped them hone those skills. A nervous look or hand wringing may go unnoticed by everyone else, but not them. Their observations will get the description of dubious characters to the reader and it will come across naturally because of their personality.

No matter the head/POV you’re in, whatever the character’s predicament, write what they would notice, the action they would take, or what they’d observe about everything and everyone around them.

Combine those guidelines with the five senses and substitute standard descriptions with observations when it suits the story and enjoy adding this simple yet effective writing trick to your repertoire.

— K.M. Allan

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