When Mealtimes Feel Like a Battlefield: Understanding Disordered Eating in Kids
It started with small things—skipping breakfast, refusing to try a new vegetable, and asking for snacks minutes after leaving the dinner table. Some days, the plate was pushed away untouched; other days, only crunchy foods were eaten. At first, it seemed like a phase. “Kids are just picky eaters,” we tell ourselves. But then, the patterns deepened.
Have you ever watched your child nibble at their food as if every bite was a struggle? Or maybe they graze all day yet still say they’re hungry? When food becomes more than just nourishment—a source of comfort, anxiety, or control—it’s time to look deeper.
Beyond ‘Picky Eating’: What’s Really Happening?Eating isn’t just about food. It’s about emotions, routines, and sensory experiences. Some kids eat to soothe, some avoid certain textures because they feel ‘wrong’ in their mouths, and some use food refusal to communicate emotions for which they don’t have words.
Instead of labelling it as ‘bad behaviour’ or ‘just a phase,’ let’s take a step back and ask:
Is my child seeking control over something else through food?
Is anxiety making it hard for them to eat?
Are they overwhelmed by the textures, smells, or colours on their plate?
Are they eating because they’re truly hungry or just bored?
For many kids, especially neurodivergent ones, eating isn’t just about hunger—it’s about feeling safe. When we force, bribe, or pressure them to eat, we take away that sense of safety. Instead of helping, it builds more resistance. We’ve all heard (or maybe said), “Just one bite! Please?” But the more we push, the more they dig in their heels.
What if, instead of turning mealtimes into a battle, we turned them into an opportunity for connection and trust?
What Can We Do Instead?
1. Make Mealtimes Feel Predictable – A consistent mealtime routine reduces anxiety. Let’s create a visual schedule or a simple routine: “First, we wash hands, then we sit, then we eat together.”
2. Offer Food Without Pressure – Make food exploration fun instead of stressful. Placing various foods on the plate (without forcing them to eat) helps build familiarity. Think of it as ‘food exposure’ rather than ‘food enforcement.’
3. Play with Food (Yes, Really!) – Have you ever tried a ‘mystery taste test’ or a ‘make-your-own snack plate?’ Let’s allow them to touch, smell, or even play with food. When eating feels like a game, kids engage more.
4. Teach ‘Hunger vs. Boredom’ – When our kids say, “I’m hungry,” but they just had a meal, let’s pause and ask: “Is your tummy talking or is your mind talking?” Helping them recognize accurate hunger cues builds lifelong healthy eating habits.
5. Small Wins Matter – A lick, a touch, even putting food near their lips is progress. Instead of focusing on how much they eat, let’s celebrate how they engage with food.
Step 1: Layout 3 snacks—one they love, one they sometimes eat, and one new one.
Step 2: Make it an adventure! “Let’s be food explorers! Can we smell it? Lick it? Take a tiny nibble? No pressure—just discovery.”
Step 3: Praise effort, not outcome. “Wow, you smelled the cheese stick! That’s amazing!”
Developing a positive connection with food is gradual, but every small step brings us closer. Mealtimes don’t have to be battles—they can be a chance to understand, connect, and support our little ones in ways that genuinely help them.
Have you noticed eating patterns like this with your child? Let’s talk about it in the comments! Need personalized guidance? Click here 
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