Mind Fields: This Is How I Think

I have a bit of a crush on a woman. It’s harmless. I don’t plan to do anything about this crush. I have everything I need. We are colleagues in a psychotherapy group and some strange osmosis took place. We connected briefly. We shared one another’s status vis a vis relationships. Neither of us is “available”. For about a week I convinced myself that she was thinking about me. I sent a couple of emails that I now regret sending.  I had the conceit that she was as enmeshed with me as I was enmeshed with her.  I now ask myself this question: what made me think that I was important in this woman’s life?

I look at my own grandiosity. I thought it was banished from my psyche, but…uh oh…here it is again in a new form. Self-importance is not attractive. There are NO important people. Anywhere. If you think otherwise you haven’t grasped the sheer SCALE of existence. Consciousness is important because that’s what everything IS. The relative importance of a human being within the structure of consciousness is a passing conceit.

The grandeur, wisdom and compassion of the Highest Power is far far beyond our grasp. It is utterly inclusive and envelopes everything in the physical world, the soul world, the spirit world, in all the worlds. I use the word “world” as a metaphor for certain structures in the Realm of Everything. If this is a difficult concept, just imagine an onion made from layers of thought. The core of this onion resembles a stellar object, such as a Black hole. This Realm subsumes the Permanent and the Impermanent as complimentary aspects of The One Truth….or whatever you want to call it.

It’s refreshing to drop this facade of self-importance. I’ve got an ego. It’s pretty tattered and irrelevant at this point but it still holds sway in my psyche. I want to be admired, respected, loved, and I want, especially, to be understood. I also want to have the resources to return this regard with affection. I have not always been a warm person. This is an ability to connect with people in a way that is safe for everyone. Let’s just say that I’m getting there.

I have too much invested in my appearance. I’m in love with my own face. That isn’t always a bad thing. I am confident in my identity but I still have psychological problems. I hope to minimize my propensity for delusions, obsessions and over-excitement. I simply accept my problems as integral to my life’s narrative.

I can’t put it more succinctly than this: today I hope to be less ignorant and stupid than I was yesterday.

About Arthur Rosch

Arthur Rosch is a novelist, musician, photographer and poet. His works are funny, memorable and often compelling. One reviewer said “He’s wicked and feisty, but when he gets you by the guts, he never lets go.” Listeners to his music have compared him to Frank Zappa, Tom Waits, Randy Newman or Mose Allison. These comparisons are flattering but deceptive. Rosch is a stylist, a complete original. His material ranges from sly wit to gripping political commentary.

Arthur was born in the heart of Illinois and grew up in the western suburbs of St. Louis. In his teens he discovered his creative potential while hoping to please a girl. Though she left the scene, Arthur’s creativity stayed behind. In his early twenties he moved to San Francisco and took part in the thriving arts scene. His first literary sale was to Playboy Magazine. The piece went on to receive Playboy’s “Best Story of the Year” award.

Arthur also has writing credits in Exquisite Corpse, Shutterbug, eDigital, and Cat Fancy Magazine. He has written five novels, a memoir and a large collection of poetry. His autobiographical novel, Confessions Of An Honest Man won the Honorable Mention award from Writer’s Digest in 2016.

More of his work can be found at www.artrosch.com

Photos at https://500px.com/p/artsdigiphoto?view=photos

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This segment of “Mind Fields” is sponsored by the Roberta Writes blog site, where you can find the poetry, photos, videos, and book reviews by Robbie Cheadle and so much more.