Failure is the best teacher – learning to take critique

Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.

-Winston Churchill

When you first start out as a writer you become a dichotomy of wants. You want people to love what you are doing, but you also want to keep it to yourself because, why would you want to expose yourself that way?

When you finally reach a place where you are ready to have someone else look at your writing, you secretly hope that there will be nothing that needs improvement. They will fall in love with your words and prepare to throw a parade when you finish your masterpiece.

In reality, I imagine there are extraordinarily few, if any, writers that can achieve that out of the gate. Most of us have some learning to do and may not even have a clue that we do. The first step is letting it go. Because we are so close to the writing we will often be blind to the problems it has.

Those first critiques are hard to take. Let’s not kid ourselves, they’re all hard to take on some level. But, at first, I think we are all a little resistant to want to hear anything negative or have the desire to change the perfect words we’ve written. We want to argue with whoever the critiquer is about why they are wrong.

I’ve seen it in many critique groups when a new person joins the circle. They aren’t ready to learn anything yet. Their dreams haven’t been trampled enough yet.

I kid, but it’s kind of true. We all go through a period of writing horribly and not being able to see what is wrong. That is the essence of why we get critiqued in the first place. Deep down we know, in those parts of ourselves that we rarely acknowledge, that something is off.

I’m not sure why it takes so long to start listening to that voice, but I can guarantee you, that voice is always right. We will see something weak in a passage we’ve written, but in that moment can’t see how to improve it, so we let it go to see if the reader will notice.

They always notice. Always.

We need to learn to trust that voice and save everyone from enduring your experiment and just cut it. This is also a learned skill.

There are multiple avenues to get critiques. A quick google search turned this up:

49 Places to Find a Critique Circle to Improve Your Writing

When I was desperate to find a crit group 15 years ago, I found a great resource online, since I had nobody physically close enough to meet in person. Critters Workshop. You earn credit by critiquing others. There a lot more these days of you do a simple search.

You might have a group of writer friends that you can share with in person. There are people that might serve as Alpha or Beta readers for your work.

Critiques are going to vary greatly. We did small group critiques for my MFA program, and even there you get a wide variety of responses.

There are several schools of thought on how a critique group should work. We used the Modified Milford method of critiquing, which meant you as the author had to sit quietly while everyone in the group got a chance to critique you, live and in front of everyone else. At the end the author got to ask questions. We received written copies of the crits afterward as well, which I found useful and often more valuable than the verbal critique.

Milford has been the standard technique for a long time, but new methods are popping up now that are less oppressive and more collaborative. On the Clarion West website they breakdown the workshop methods very nicely.

You are going to find that crit styles vary as much as people do. Some are performative, some are just extremely nitpicky. Some are on the mark and useful. You need to consider the background and experience level of the critiquer as well. Some may be published authors, some may be experienced writers who have done the critique sessions many times, and some may be new to the process.

Ideally the feedback should be constructive. Kindness goes a long way.

So, what do you do with the criticism?

Approach the critique with an open mind, but with a dollop of skepticism. They are not going to have equal value to you. Some will be completely worthless. Some will be fantastic. Some people may offer you a solution to what they perceive as the problem with a particular passage. This is generally frowned upon and usually won’t fit with your vision anyway. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem with what they are pointing to.

Here’s the thing. All critiques are just other people’s opinions. Keep that in mind. You don’t have to do anything with them. Your work belongs to you, and you have complete freedom to do what you like.

However, if multiple people are pointing to the same part of your story, then there is probably something there that needs to be fixed. What that will look like is up to you.

Keep in mind also that you volunteered for the critique. I don’t think people are signing up just to be mean to other writers; usually they have good motives. Some people are just better at it than others.

Workshops and critique groups are just the beginning of this torturous journey.

Next level is when you send it to a professional editor or an agent. The editor will definitely give you a lot of feedback, you paid them after all. The agent may or may not. If it’s not for them, they will likely say that it wasn’t a good fit. Or you might hear nothing. If it is for them, they may try to edit it. If it is bought by a publisher, they will have a professional editor go over it and then you will have a choice, make the changes they want or fight for what you want. You may lose the deal if you choose poorly.

My experience with editors has been positive. The ones I have used are very detail oriented or have great vision and they can see things you can’t. Again, the ball is back in your court to make changes or not. Somewhere along the way you will learn to let go of your ego and learn from the critiques you get. That is the entire point after all.

At the end of the day, learning to take critique is about growth. It’s about shifting from defensiveness to curiosity, from resistance to resilience. I’d like to think that the best writers—no matter how experienced—never stop learning. Each critique, whether from a peer, an editor, or a reader, is another opportunity to sharpen your craft, to see your work through fresh eyes, and to build a story that truly resonates.

Yes, it can be tough. Yes, it can bruise the ego. Writing isn’t about proving you’re already great, it’s about improving your skill with every draft. But the real skill isn’t just in writing, it’s in rewriting, refining, and embracing the process. The sooner you let go of perfection and lean into feedback, the stronger your work will become.

So, take what helps, discard what doesn’t, and keep writing. The only failure is refusing to learn.