I Hate Everything

Just like Alexander in the book Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible No Good, Very Bad Day, I am not having a good day. And I hate everything.
 
I hate that this country is so divided.
I hate that anti-Semitism is rising exponentially. 
I hate that all media outlets are biased. 
 
I hate that my printer malfunctions and can only be replaced and recycled, not fixed. 
 


I hate that I have a newly instilled fear of flying after hearing about near misses and mid air collisions. 
 
I hate that there are still hostages, homeless families and hungry people. 
 
I hate that I’m less efficient, more forgetful and more absentminded when participating in my activities of daily living. 
 
I hate that it takes twice as long to get ready to go out to a party to look half as good as I used to look.


 
I hate that there aren’t many parties to go to anymore, anyway.
 
I hate that when I take a walk and, out of 22 people I pass, two actually make eye contact. 
 
I hate that I employ a friend and it ends badly.

I hate that my husband and I Increasingly get into heated tongue lashings with each other over messy kitchen counters. 



I hate passwords and usernames and talking to pre-recorded voices. 
 
I hate watching my friends get old – use walkers – break hips – fail cognitively. 
 
I hate that at times I feel irrelevant to my grandkids. 
I hate that I secretly wish that my sons needed me more for input and advice.  
 
I hate that I miss my parents. 
And the big rambling house I grew up in. 
 
I hate that I miss my high school buddies 
and Friday night slumber parties. 
 
I hate that I miss imagining and planning for what I’ll do and be when I grow up. 
 
I hate that it’s been almost 60 years since I graduated from high school. 
 
I hate that it’s been many decades since I tailgated before a college football game, slept through an 8 AM midcentury history class and ogled the butt of the new waiter serving me dinner at my sorority house.
 
I hate that now lunching with friends entails catching up with who’s sick and who’s sold their house and who’s moved into assisted living. 
 
I hate that on April 15 it will be 50 years since my very best friend was killed in a car crash involving a train.
 
There ARE some things I don’t hate though….
I don’t hate that I still write a weekly column. 
I don’t hate that I still have a bunch of incomplete projects on my to-do list. 
I don’t hate that I still have a to-do list.
 
I don’t hate that I’m financially okay and in pretty good health. 
 
I don’t hate that I have a large functioning family and wonderfully supportive tribes of friends.
 
I don’t hate that I still love my husband passionately.
 
And I don’t hate that I’m still here. 
 
Maybe I don’t really hate everything. 
 
Maybe I just hate that I wasted a precious day 
feeling terrible 
horrible 
no good 
and very bad
when I could have been counting my many blessings 
and coming up with ways to improve the world, not just rally against it. 
 
Keep Preserving Your Bloom,