I Statements Only

The first ground rule of meeting facilitation is for participants to make I statements only.

You know, in meetings, when you really want to say, “What the heck were you thinking?” but instead you count to ten and say, “I’m confused. I thought we agreed to X.”

It is so very adult to be able to do that. It���s at the highest level of emotional intelligence. Invoking the rule when things get tense is downright brilliant.

I���m so good at recommending their use and about fifty-fifty sticking to them in the moment.

Like most of life, I statements require ongoing practice, with perfection only an ideal. And they are much easier to use when consulting than when having a stake in the outcome. In the heat of the moment. In the stupidity of it all. When it would be simpler to strangle another.

Today���s political climate is one such instance where I find it hard to make I statements.

Yet, I know I must point that mental finger at myself and ask, “What am I going to do about the state of affairs?” It is a much more empowering thought than trying to get others to do what we think they should do. It is better to make a personal commitment to making things the way you feel they should be in your immediate area, in the throes of the swirling thoughts that send you reeling.

Stop. Make an I statement. Do something positive right where you are.

I am committing to my practice of I statements, promising each time to do a little better, taking smaller steps I can accomplish, and being kinder to myself and those around me.

What practices do you engage in when things get tense?

Mary