The Importance of Good Manners

The Importance of Good Manners

Everyone is talking about the exchange between Trump and Zelensky. I’ve noticed that the most vocal of these have no experience with international diplomacy, have never been to Europe or Russia, and have never fought in a war (no, darling, digital warfare doesn’t count). However, by virtue of their hatred of Trump feel themselves qualified to offer their opinion on this situation and “Stand with Ukraine.”

For someone like me, who knows the sacrifices necessary to plan, fund, and fight a war, I find this hilarious, and I would be laughing out loud if not for the sad loss of life in both Russia and Ukraine. (I wish I’d known hatred could be so important to military success! Perhaps ROTC should offer a course in it!) but I digress….

I could go on about hatred and war and peace, but I won’t here. I want to approach the situation from a perspective that I think everyone is, or at least, SHOULD be qualified to comment on: the importance of good manners. Specifically, good manners when you are a guest in someone else’s home.

Here are the basics: when in another’s home, or at another’s party, dress appropriately. For example, garden parties require flowery dresses and hats. “Texas Casual” requires a nice pair of boots, clean dressy jeans, and a pressed, western shirt. “Aloha Crisp” means upscale Hawaiian Attire. Similarly, it seems, the White House requires a suit.

Now Trump may not have been specific regarding the dress code (despite Zelensky’s snide “costume” remark) so we’ll let that one slide and move on to more important matters.

Specifically, behavior.

When in someone else’s home, it is very important not to point at, talk over, insult, or degrade one’s host or other attending members. Let your host and other guests finish their thoughts before responding with yours. Even if you disagree vehemently, you should do your best to control your emotions and respond in a way that is, if not kind, at least civil. Your words should have substance, be non-threatening, and fact based. The more serious the situation, the more the conversation should be researched and backed by evidence, not emotion.

As you share information, you should maintain even tones and eye contact, even when you are irritated. Take a deep breath if you are having trouble with your emotions or excuse yourself to the restroom if you need a moment. Then return when ready to engage in a civilized manner.

These basics are not political (although they are important to politics). These are simply the elements of good communication and debate. More importantly the recommendations above are good manners, and Zelensky seems to have no clue what they are or how to employ them.

Now, Trump was no angel either (he never is) but the difference between the two is while Trump’s anger seemed directed solely at Zelensky (and only AFTER he had behaved inappropriately), Zelensky was not just rude to Trump. He was cranky and petulant with many people in that room (reference “costume” remark as above). Furthermore, his tone was one of seething arrogance and unchecked bravado. He seemed to be looking down his nose at everyone present, and by default, America itself.

The whole thing was nauseating, like watching a petulant child throw a tantrum over lack of ice cream, (and not a wooden spoon in sight with which to whack him). Except, Zelensky doesn’t want ice cream, he wants war.

Well, he has gone to Europe now to ask for it, and perhaps that is for the best. Europe has a better idea of what is going on over there, is not weary from 20 years in the Middle East, and may be better suited to tango with Russia. I will just count my blessings that, for now at least, we have avoided the further spilling of American blood for a man that does not deserve it.