Book Review: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life by Mark Manson

I hesitated before deciding to go ahead and write and post this review. After all, my intention is to attract readers, not repel them. But then again, the type of readers I am interested in reaching is not going to be offended by the F-word, which, by the way, is liberally sprinkled throughout this book. (And in the book’s interior, an asterisk is not used when spelling f*ck.) However, to each his or her own. If expletives offend you, that’s okay; simply skip to the next review and book and give this one a pass.

One of the reasons I decided to proceed with this review concerns one of my sons. A passage struck me as relevant to his situation, and so I read it to him while we were video-chatting. When I had finished, he told me that he was at that time into his third reading of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck via audio book. The coincidence was too unusual to be ignored. The main reason, however, is that though some of the advice Manson shares is tangential, much of it is sensible, relevant, and practical. As for the risk of offending bluenosed puritanical readers, I decided that I don’t give a f*ck.

Manson states that: “The key to living a good life is not giving a f*ck about more; it’s giving a f*ck about less, giving a f*ck about what is true and immediate and important.” He goes on to clarify that: “This book will help you think a bit more clearly about what you’re choosing to find important in life and what you’re choosing to find unimportant.” And: “If suffering is inevitable, if our problems in life are unavoidable, then the question we should be asking is not ‘How do I stop suffering?’ but ‘Why am I suffering – for what purpose?'” An important example in my own life concerns rejection. Everyone hates rejection and considers it something that should be avoided. And yet to attempt publication as a writer, rejection is inevitable, especially if you want to follow one of the traditional paths. For instance, I write a lot of short stories. I eventually compile them into volumes and publish them, but before I do that I try to sell them to magazines and anthologies. I have successfully sold dozens of them, but to do so, I have to send them out to editors. Every time I do, I risk rejection, and every rejection hurts. The only way to avoid that pain is to not send out the stories, but then I am waving the white flag of surrender before the battle even starts. Very few of my stories sell on the first try; I often have to send them out again and again before they find the right literary home. And every rejection hurts. Every damn one. But this is a pain I have chosen to accept because it aligns with my long-term vision. To take this analogy one step further: Recently I have endured what you might call failure’s perfect storm. I sold stories to several anthologies and was looking forward to seeing them appear in the completed books around now; at the last minute, though, the editors have informed me that they have cancelled the anthologies for various reasons – mainly having to do with finances. So in the publishing world, even after acceptance disaster can strike. Nevertheless, despite the inevitable wounds, this is a battle I have chosen to fight. Manson calls it: “The willingness to stare failure in the face and shove your middle finger back at it.”

For me, as a writer, one of the associated pains is the all-but-inevitable rejection. For you it might be something else. Regardless of your particular circumstances, Manson writes: “Everything worthwhile in life is won through surmounting the associated negative experience.” And: “It’s worth remembering that for any change to happen in your life, you must be wrong about something.” Ultimately, this book does not tell you to not care about anything, but to focus on what is most important to you, regardless of the associated pain. Since pain accompanies any endeavor, choose to endure the pain that will take you where you want to go. In my opinion, there is enough important practical advice herein to justify wading through the abundance of expletives to reach it. For this reason, I recommend this book.