Behind the curtain

Leaving Puerto Peñasco (video) Sunday Float

Behind the curtain

I am a suck-it-up and soldier on kind of person and I’ve been told countless times that I have the patience of Job. I am not striving for sainthood in this life; it’s just how I am wired further strengthened by life circumstances, though the older I get… fifty-six in a few months, I realize that all systems have their limits, including my internal guiding system, which is sometimes more of a default than a sure guide.

I spun myself out a few weeks ago – emotional overload that unraveled me to my core. Many months of emotional stressors that reached a tipping point and out I poured. Open and vulnerable, in rushed an opportunistic virus (not Covid) that took control. Years of eating my veggies proved a limited defense. Although it’s been a long time since I’ve had a stubborn sickness (last year’s travel bug was fast and furious), I did all I knew to do to take care of myself, including plenty of rest. At first, extra hours in bed, left me depressed then I began listening to healing meditations and decided to reframe my thinking – leaning into rest instead of resisting, taking the time for book reading, movie watching, and extended meditating. Over the last two weeks, I’ve managed all the “have-tos” with a few “I can do this” moments. I’ve also had to let several things go, at least temporarily, which makes me feel anxious and guilty, but in those feelings, I find great lessons and a reminder of our precious human existence.

With a two month wait to get into my primary doctor, I saw my naturopath yesterday, who drew blood work and wrote me a prescription for antibiotics. Although I would have preferred to move through this funk naturally, my head was only getting more congested and a fever lingered. I prefer the holistic approach that naturopaths offer though medical insurance limits coverage to these practitioners, so visits feel a luxury (sure hope that changes someday). I am grateful for the visit and for the relief that medicine is bringing.

Of course, extra rest can be an opportunity to reflect and reset. I am embracing that truth as winter’s end draws near. I am also counting my many blessings as spring approaches, which includes the cherished connections I have in this space. Thank you for your time and kind cheer.