Monday Notes: A Love Letter to Myself 💌

keg,

You’ve been through so much in your early years, which shaped how you functioned in young adulthood. I’m glad you’ve finally understood that these are all malleable versions of you. I’m glad you’ve realized how these pieces fit together to make you who you are, even today. I’m glad you no longer hold your birth parents’ or adoptive parents’ shame. It was keeping you stagnant and influencing your creativity. Most importantly, I’m glad you’ve figured out how to integrate the so-called negative parts into your everyday life.

Even though, you’re doing well in this phase, it seems you need some reminders, so you can continue to show up as the healthiest and most loving version of yourself. The following will help you to continue cultivating a relationship with yourself, first and foremost, so you can vibe out to others when necessary.

You don’t need anyone to validate your intuition.

While it is okay to recount a story to your husband, sister, or friends, you don’t need confirmation for what you feel. In the past, your intuition was tamped down by trauma. You were in survival mode for a long time, so it was understandable that you wouldn’t recognize signs, even when they were obvious. However, that is no longer the case. If you feel something, trust that it is the right course of action. Signals can come in the form of physical reactions when you’re in space with people or when supportive events occur that seem like “coincidences.” Either way, do not dismiss them and do not seek external confirmation. Trust what is.

Someone once said, “You have high expectations for friends.”

This is true. Initially, you took this to mean it is wrong to have high expectations for friends. It is not. Expecting people to meet relationship needs is normal, whether high or not. Ask any therapist. So, as you move forward in life, don’t be afraid to let friends know when they are not meeting them. They, too, have the right to make choices. If, for example, your friends think vulnerability requires too much, that’s okay…for them. Your job is not to lower your expectations, so that they can meet them. Your job is to maintain your vibration, so that those who are aligned will find you. Alignment is not woo-woo conjecture; your life has shown this to be true.

If you must lower your expectations to be in relationship with someone, then you are not supposed to be in relationship with that person.

This sounds like the second note, but the message is deeper. Lowering your expectations is akin to not being true to yourself. Everyone has needs, and you are no exception. When you lower your expectations, then you’re implying that what someone else is doing is okay, even if it is not. In all relationships, whether familial, platonic, or romantic, you’ve learned that you desire a certain level of reciprocity, creativity, and intimacy. You want people in your life to consider you as you do them. You want to be connected to people who think of innovative ways to curate time together. You want to experience shared vulnerability. There’s nothing wrong with any of this. However, there is something wrong with asking these things of people who do not have the capacity to meet your needs. It’s not fair to them or you.

Saying you’ve outgrown someone is a bit egotistical.

Remember when you used to go around saying you had outgrown a situation or person? It was okay, then, because you were younger. But now, you should know better. People are not your favorite screen t-shirt or distressed jeans. People are people. Jeans are jeans. Remember, we’re all living on a frequency, kind of like SiriusXM versus a radio station. Your local radio station cannot tune into Sway in the Morning; only SiriusXM can. People are similar. Some folks are vibing differently, and you are either aligned with them or you’re not. You’ve seen this to be true. Once you learn a lesson and move forward, sometimes the people who used to rock with you literally cannot hear or receive your words; they misinterpret your actions. But there’s no need to be haughty about it. It’s simply a matter of being on the same frequency and in alignment.

These notes should keep you well through the next few years. Remember them, and you will not only be honoring yourself, but you will also feel the peace that accompanies being grounded in a deeper understanding of the process of love and relationships.

Love, keg

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