Being a Bad Coach, and How that May Relate to a Bad Minister

I was listening to sports radio yesterday. The issue brought up was about an audio file of Rick Patino, a very successful college mens basketball coach. He was ripping into his team verbally and swearing at them. The question posed was whether today’s student athletes can handle this sort of coaching… or are they now “too soft.”

While I think there was some good discussion on being a good coach today, a lot of the comments came back to:

Complaints about either the present generation, or the parents who raised the present generation. Anecdotes on the order of “When I was young, I had a coach that would rip into us… and I greatly appreciate his influence as to who I am today.”

I think I would like to push back on both of those things.

Point #1. The problem is that it is backwards. Good coaches need to adjust their coaching style to the people they are coaching. A Good coach does not complain that coachees do not adjust their personalities and temperaments to the coach’s preferred style of coaching. Coaches cannot change a generation, so they need to dust off some of the tools of coaching to do their jobs well.

Point #2. For every person who can give a “My coach inspired me to greatness,” is a story of a coach that sabotaged a young potential talent.

I do certainly think that there are generational characteristics; but there are variations within generations that are greater than the variation between generations. I suppose I would include myself in this. I am almost 60 years old and I am not really motivated by someone yelling and swearing at me. I feel pretty confident in this statement since one of my former bosses told me this. I served as an officer in the US Navy. Yelling and swearing was starting to fall out of fashion in the US Navy in the late 1980s, but it was most definitely still around. My department head liked to yell, cajole, and belittle as a means of motivation. One day just outside of the Officer’s wardroom he said to me, “Munson, you know… yelling just doesn’t really work on you, does it?” I think I gave some sort of non-committal agreement. But it is true… mostly.

But one thing I did learn from my Department Head was how to make him THINK that I was listening to him. For example, one day he came up to me and yelled, “Munson!! I was checking out the Aft Starboard P-way and saw that the our tools were left there overnight!” I responded with “$%$&!! He knows better than that. I am going to go down a rip him a new one right now!!” I stomped off like I was enraged. But as soon as I got out of sight, I relaxed and went to the division chief and calmly told him to talk to Smith to make sure that he takes better care of our tools.

If you think about it. My Department Head’s yelling was supposedly to make me a better officer, but in fact, what made him pleased is when I made the pretense to learning how to lead from him.

But why would I not be inspired by yelling? Most all military movies and many sports movies tell us that yelling and screaming are very motivational… and it is at least implied that they build character.

I think it did not work on me for perhaps three reasons.

A. Temperament. My natural temperament could be characterized as melancholic. I do remember reading somewhere that people in my group tend to find yelling as demotivating.

B. Parenting. My dad really did not get angry or yell. Frankly, he was pretty good at motivating and guiding me without losing his cool.

C. Personal. I am not sure where I got it from but I developed a belief that yelling and swearing is evidence of a character flaw. Thus, I tend to think that people who lose it in front of a group typically don’t have much for me to gain from.

Is that always true? Not necessarily. I expect some people do find yelling (or fake yelling like I would sometimes do in the military to trick my boss) to be motivating. However, I can’t help but wonder if this creates a self-fulling prophecy of sorts. You yell to motivate. Some get motivated and do better. Others are demotivated by it and move into something different where yelling isn’t done. It gatekeeps the system. The ones who do better have now learned that “yelling works” and then repeat the process in the next generation. After I left the Navy I went into engineering and later into missions and academia where yelling ans swearing is pretty much never done. Shockingly, people will manage to learn and grow in this non-toxic environment!!

Now that the newest generation has a much higher percentage of people who are not motivated by yelling and swearing, people who were led to think “This is what works” are stuck. They blame that generation instead of looking in the mirror and wondering, “Do I need to learn some new skills to motivate and train?”

This is, of course, nothing new. In Christian history it has been long understood that what trains, motivates, disciples, coaches, counsels, or whatever, a young believer to grow in faith and godliness may vary from person to person. There is no “one-size-fits-all” method.

In the Counseling Website I maintain (for our ministry in the Philippines) I shared an extended quote from St. Gregory of Nazianzus, a 4th century leader. I wonder if he and I had some things in common. He complained vehemently about the abusive process associated with his ordination. Anyway, he spoke of this fact that it is the job of a minister to adapt to the individual, rather than assuming the same problem has only one method for fixing.

If you want to read this quote, click on https://bukallifecare.org/2025/02/17/pastoral-care-according-to-st-gregory-of-nazianzus/