Tuesday Top Ten: Temperatures that are just…well, stupid.

Music Monday: Louis Louis Weird Wednesday: Acceptable Traditions

Tuesday Top Ten: Temperatures that are just…well, stupid.

I woke up today to let out the dogs I am looking after for their morning pee. They completed the task in record time, not wanting to spend anymore time than necessary, even forgoing the “I better bark at everything and wake everyone up” tradition.

I then remembered it was garbage day, so I threw on a light jacket (mistake) and dragged the creaking and brittle-sounding garbage and recycling bins into the back lane. My first thought was, “Well, at least there is no wind…”

I live not to far away from the geographical center of North America, so any ocean moderation if temperatures are non-existent. Since we have been in a cold snap (which as of 2019 is now called the Polar Vortex), I was not surprised to learn that the temperature was -31 C. I think the coldest temperature I have ever experienced has be in the -36 C range, but once you get below -30, it’s really all just the same.

There is an upside. Really. it is supposed to warm up later this week, so the -10 C temperatures will feel absolutely balmy. Canadians call this “T-shirt weather.”

Top Ten Stupid Temperatures:

1. The coldest temperature recorded in Africa is -23.9°C (-11°F), which was measured in Ifrane, Morocco on February 11, 1935. The camels used by the nomads were overheard saying, “Snort, grunt, what the #$&%?“
2. Not surprising, the coldest temperature ever recorded in Europe is -52.6°C (-62.6°F), was measured in the Norrbotten region of Sweden. Ikea warns of the dangers of using their hex wrenches outside.
3. Mohe City, Heilongjiang province recorded the coldest temperature ever in China at -53.0°C (-63.4°F), on January 22, 2023. Terracotta warriors huddle for warmth.
4. Canada’s entry stands out not just as the coldest-ever temperature in the nation, but the coldest in North America, is the community of Snag, Yukon at -62.8 C (-81.4 F). This prompted the first utterance of the groaner: “Forget about the gold rush, this is a cold rush.“
5. The Siberian city of Yakutsk calls itself the coldest in the world (one of the least effective tourist slogans according to Guinness). It hit a low of -64.4°C (-84 F) in February 1891.
4. The hardy souls of the British North Greenland Expedition in the 1950s recorded a temperature of -66.1°C (-87 F). Overheard was the comment: “Who named this effin’ place Greenland.”
3. Verkhoyansk and Oymyakon reached record lows of -67.7°C (-89.9 F) (the former in 1892, the latter in 1933. Their tourist slogan is, “Suck on that, Yakutsk!”
2. The coldest temperature ever measured from the ground was -88 Celsius (-126 F) at Vostok Station in Antarctica. The new guy gets to go plug in the car.
1. The coldest temperature ever recorded on Earth was -93.2° C (-136° F) in Antarctica in 2010. This was recorded by satellites. When scientists sent the command to confirm the data, the satellite responded, “Yes, that is correct, but at least there is no wind.”

-Leon

Leon Stevens is a multi-genre author, composer, guitarist, songwriter, and an artist, with a Bachelor of Music and Education. He published his first book of poetry, Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures in January 2020, followed by a book of original classical guitar compositions, Journeys, and a short story collection of science fiction/post-apocalyptic tales called The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories. His newest publications are the novella trilogy, The View from Here, which is a continuation of one of his short stories, a new collection of poetry titled, A Wonder of Words, and his latest sci-fi mystery, Euphrates Vanished.

My new book page: http://books.linesbyleon.com/