Life is a Puzzle

The biggest symptom of perimenopause is frequent mood swings. In my case, I feel anxious and scared. The anxiety attacks sometimes keep me awake at night. Once the anxiety subsides, a deep sense of grief engulfs me. I start thinking of my entire life. I wonder how things could have been different. Most days, my mind is in a loop of what ‘could-have’ or ‘should-have’. I know thinking about all these makes no sense. It is nothing but a waste of energy, time, and emotions. Lekin kambhakt yeh dil hai ki maanta nahi. Overthinking has become a bad addiction. I try hard to stay mindful and in the present. Still, there are days when I just lose it.

However, there’s an unexpected advantage to my tendency to overthink the past. It allows me to see life as a vast, intricate puzzle. The pieces of the puzzle are scattered across my experiences, choices, relationships, and circumstances. In spirituality, people believe that a soul is born to learn specific lessons. Yet, we often overlook them in the rush of life.

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But when I reflect on my past, I begin to notice patterns—connections between events that once seemed random. These patterns reveal insights I might have missed in the moment. I see how one choice led to another, how certain people or incidents shaped my journey. Who I am today is the result of everything that has happened—the good, the bad, and even the painful.

While some memories bring regret, reminding me of mistakes and wrong turns, more often, they fill me with gratitude. Without those experiences, I wouldn’t have become the person I am today.

I often regret that I was loving and empathetic towards people who never reciprocated back. For the longest time, I believed the lesson was to stop loving others. But now, I realize that love itself was never the problem—the real lesson is knowing where to direct it. My heart holds love, but perhaps some people were never capable of receiving it because they lacked self-love. It wasn’t that my love was unworthy; they simply couldn’t accept it.

I should not chase after those who cannot love me back. I should let them go. This will allow them the space to heal. Love should never be forced or begged for. Even if it isn’t returned, I must continue to love. Love is a divine gift. A loveless heart is also a godless one.

This world is filled with people, animals, and nature longing for love, waiting to receive it without resistance. That is where my love should flow. By offering my love where it is truly needed, I help heal the world. I also fill my own heart with deep gratitude. It brings me abundance and joy.

Sometimes overthinking gives you insights and clarity. I believe my soul’s journey is to learn the lesson of unconditional love and how to give it to everyone. Do you agree?

Joining Vinitha‘s two hundredth and thirty-eighth edition of Fiction Monday with the word prompt Puzzle.