Why Do Kids Hyperfixate on Crushes?
Ever noticed a child talking endlessly about one particular person? Maybe they doodle the same name repeatedly, reenact conversations, or bring up that person at the most random moments. It can seem like they’re obsessed! But what’s really happening inside their minds?
Aanya, a bright and curious 8-year-old, sat at the dining table, absentmindedly stirring her juice. “Do you think people can think someone into liking them?” she suddenly asked. Her mom raised an eyebrow, amused, “Why do you ask?”
“Well… I just keep thinking about him. And if I always think about him, maybe he’ll feel it?” Aanya’s mom chuckled but noticed how her daughter was completely immersed in this thought. She had mentioned this boy at least ten times that week!
For many kids, especially neurodivergent ones, crushes aren’t just simple infatuations—they can turn into hyperfixations. It’s not just about feelings; it’s about how their brain processes emotions, novelty, and connection.
Why Do Some Kids Hyperfixate on Crushes?
The Brain Loves Joy!
When kids find something that excites them—dinosaurs, a video game, or a special someone—their brain releases dopamine, the “feel-good” chemical. This rush is so intense for some children that they want to hold onto it for as long as possible.
Predictability Feels Safe
Crushes can create a comfortable pattern. Thinking about the same person, replaying conversations, or imagining different scenarios feels predictable. For children who thrive on routine, this emotional pattern can feel grounding.
Big Feelings Can Be Overwhelming
Children don’t always have the words to describe their emotions. When they experience something new and exciting, their brain holds onto it—sometimes too tightly! Hyperfixating on a crush might be their way of processing these unfamiliar feelings.
It’s a Learning Process
Having a crush is one of the first experiences of deep emotional attachment outside family. It teaches kids about admiration, connection, and even disappointment. The brain practises handling relationships in the future.
How Can We Help Without Dismissing Their Feelings?As adults, our first instinct might be to say, “Oh, it’s just a phase,” or “You’ll forget about them soon.” But for kids, their feelings are real and intense. Instead of brushing them off, we can healthily guide them through this experience.
Acknowledge Their Feelings
Saying, “That sounds exciting! What do you like about them?” opens the door for conversation. It also helps children explore their feelings rather than feeling dismissed.
Broaden Their World
Gently introduce other engaging topics, activities, or social interactions. If their focus is expanding, it helps create balance.
Introduce Thought-Tracking
A great way to teach self-awareness is to ask:
“How does thinking about them make you feel?”“Do you still enjoy other things?”“What else made you happy this week?”This helps kids recognize that while crushes feel exciting, they aren’t the only source of happiness.
Fun Activity: The “Joy Jar”
What You Need: A jar, paper, and a pen.
How It Works:
Crushes can feel all-consuming, but they are also an opportunity to teach emotional regulation, self-awareness, and balance. Instead of worrying, let’s walk alongside our children and help them confidently navigate their emotions.
What’s the funniest or sweetest thing your child has ever said about a crush? Drop it in the comments!
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