Mentally wobbly

I’ve been feeling wobbly these last few days. Mentally wobbly – my body feels much stronger and more flexible thanks to doing half frog and happy baby poses at yoga on Monday!

I have felt worried about my cancer returning, because there’s such a high likelihood of recurrence with the type I had. Being told I’m cancer free feels like the worst case of imposter syndrome I’ve ever had – and I’m a writer! (I’m writing a longer piece on this.) It’s Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month, and there’s lots of statistics in the media and online. It’s hard to forget the reality. I’ll be ok. I think I now have more brain capacity to process all that’s happened in the last year, now that treatment has stopped.

I’m also shaken and saddened by death of a friend who had ichthyosis reminded me of how fragile our skin is, and how short life is. She was a few years younger than me, and we looked like we were related. Cousins, maybe. After not hearing from her for a while, I messaged a mutual friend who told me she had died late last year. I’m so glad we spent time together – when we each visited one another’s home cities in 2014 and 2018. She never got to cuddle a koala like she always dreamed of doing.

I know I’ll have wobbly days. I’ve spoken to my oncologist and counsellor about this – they both say it’s natural for me to be scared. It’s not overpowering me yet, and I have so many glimmers in my days.

Image: a selfie of Carly, a woman with red skin and short dark curly hair, wearing a lilac dress and a heart pendant, and a purple owl brooch.

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