ASK THIS INSTEAD: “HOW WAS YOUR DAY?”

When Arihaan returned from school, I was eager to hear about his day. So, like most parents, I asked, “How was your day?”

He barely looked at me, muttered, “Fine,” and that was it.

A whole day’s worth of experiences, lessons, and emotions—all summed up in one word.

I felt a pang of disappointment. I wanted to connect, to know what excited him, what frustrated him, and what made him laugh. But clearly, “How was your day?” wasn’t the magic question.

Why Kids Struggle With This Question

For some kids, especially neurodiverse ones, open-ended questions like this can feel overwhelming. Here’s why:

Too broad – They don’t know where to begin. Their day was full of transitions, activities, and emotions; choosing just one thing can be challenging.

Memory recall challenges – Some kids struggle with recalling events in sequence, making it difficult to summarize their day.

Emotional processing – If they had a challenging moment, they may still be working through their emotions and not ready to share.

Social exhaustion – After a long day of following rules and managing interactions, they may not have the energy for another structured conversation.

I realized I needed to change how I asked.

The Day I Tried Something Different

Instead of my usual question, I tried, “What made you feel really proud today?”

Arihaan’s face lit up.

“I was the fastest in the math drill today!” he said excitedly.

There it was—the entry point into his world. From there, we talked about the math drill, his favourite subject, and how he felt when he finished first.

That one change in my question opened the door to connection.

Better Ways to Ask About Their Day

Here are some alternatives that can spark honest conversations: 

“What made you smile today?”

“Did anything surprise you today?”

“What’s something tricky you figured out?”

“If you could go back and do one thing differently, what would it be?”

“Tell me one thing you learned today that you didn’t know before.”

Each question gives kids a specific direction, making it easier to answer.

Make It Fun! (Actionable Activity)

If your child still finds it hard to talk about their day, turn it into a game!

Emotion Dice – Draw different emotions on a die (happy, excited, confused, frustrated, etc.). Roll and share a moment from the day that matches.

Two Truths and a Fun – Ask them to share two real things about their day and one silly thing—you have to guess which one is made up!

Draw Your Day – Let them sketch or doodle a part of their day instead of discussing it.

Building conversations with kids is about meeting them where they are—at their pace, in their comfort zone, and with some creativity.

Which question are you going to try today? Let me know in the comments!

Need personalized strategies to support your child’s communication and emotional growth? Let’s chat! Book a 1:1 consultation here: https://topmate.io/namita_das11.

Recommended Products

To support conversations with kids and encourage engagement, here are some valuable products:

Conversation Starter Flashcards – These help parents and children start meaningful discussions with prompts on emotions, daily experiences, and personal preferences. Feelings and Emotions Books for Kids – Picture books explaining different emotions can help children understand and express their feelings better. Talkable Plush Toys – Interactive plush toys encourage kids to talk and share their thoughts. Story Dice or Conversation Cubes – Fun dice or cubes with images or words that spark storytelling and discussions. Board Games for Communication – Games that require conversation, role-playing, or teamwork can significantly improve social interaction skills.