Tuesday Tirade (and a Top 10): Not So Tariffic.

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Tuesday Tirade (and a Top 10): Not So Tariffic.

[Note: I wrote this yesterday when threats were looming, which have since been put on pause, but like a schoolyard bully saying they’ll take your lunch money unless you do their homework, even when you you agree, there is nothing stopping the threat from happening again.]

Someone recently said that the word “tariff” is the most beautiful word in the English language. I’ll let you guess who.

The Wall Street Journal called the implementation of tariffs on Canada, Mexico, and China:

I’m not going to get into the politics of tariffs and trade because I’m not an expert in tariffs and trade, but as a person who has taken grade 5 math, I do know that if a $100 item comes from Canada and is subject to a 25% tariff (Tax. It’s a tax), the importer will have to pay $125 to receive it.

I also know that the importer is not going to take a $25 hit to their profit, so they have 2 options:

Don’t import it which means the American consumer is unable to get it.Charge $25 more which means the American consumer has to pay more.

What does the US import from Canada? The top 10 are: aircraft, aluminum, automobile, crude oil, plastic, wheat, wood, coal, computer parts, electronic and electric equipment and parts. Guess what, Americans? You will now have to pay more, and I haven’t mentioned all the food you import from Mexico, that’s going up too. And you thought avocados are expensive now…

In retaliation, Canada has countered with their own counter actions.

Top Ten Counters to Tariffs:

10. The Northern Lights. Canada will now dim them by 25% so that the southern latitudes will have to squint to see them.
9. Ryans. We are taking back Reynolds and Gosling.
8. Maple syrup. Enjoy your sugar paste.
7. No more hockey sticks.
6. Stop using the Coca-Cola polar bear. Climate change is wreaking havoc on their habitat. They don’t need diabetes as well.
5. The metric system. Anything you do import from Canada will only be labeled in grams, kilograms, metres, millilitres and litres. And no, we are not switching the ‘e’ and ‘r’.
4. You will no longer be able to watch reruns of Shitt’s Creek, but you can keep The Property Brothers. Oh yeah, hands off Survivorman. We’ll be needing him for the apocalypse.
3. We won’t buy your booze. We have all the alcohol we need right here. And you know what they say about Canadian beer, right?*
2. Don’t want people coming across the border? Okay. We won’t come. You’ll probably miss the 25 billion we spent there last year.
1. The polar vortex. It’s ours. No, wait! Take it.

-Leon

*it’s better.

Leon Stevens is a multi-genre author, composer, guitarist, songwriter, and an artist, with a Bachelor of Music and Education. He published his first book of poetry, Lines by Leon: Poems, Prose, and Pictures in January 2020, followed by a book of original classical guitar compositions, Journeys, and a short story collection of science fiction/post-apocalyptic tales called The Knot at the End of the Rope and Other Short Stories. His newest publications are the novella trilogy, The View from Here, which is a continuation of one of his short stories, a new collection of poetry titled, A Wonder of Words, and his latest sci-fi mystery, Euphrates Vanished.

My new book page: http://books.linesbyleon.com/