Two Habits I Had to Quit (before they ruined me)
Dearly beloveds,
We are gathered here to today to get through this thing called - LIFE - (name that song. Fun fact: I can say the whole intro, haha. so random.)
Anyway. It’s February, finally. January is always a rough one. It’s long, cold and dark in New Hampshire, and even though it was dead beyond dead, I kept the tree up until January 25th b/c I needed the twinkle lights. Are we all taking our Vitamin D???
Do you consider yourself an all-or-nothing person? Not me. For most things, I like to bounce my ball right in the middle. Not too much, not too little.
However, I recognized two habits that were starting to feel like TOO MUCH.
And ya’ll, we know this:
Habits are a good servant but a bad master
What I didn’t need is moderation. I needed them OUT OF MY LIFE.
Gretchen Rubin often talks about when we intentionally build good habits, they serve us well by making life easier and more efficient. But if we let habits take over without awareness or intention, they can control us in unhelpful ways. This was me and sugar. So we broke up.
Sugar
For two weeks, I completely quit consuming any added sugars (I did not count fruit, maple syrup or honey in some recipes).
What happened? The third day off sugar I was DYING for a fix. I needed it, and thought about it constantly. However, I soldiered through, eating grapes and having the occasional Olipop naturally flavored with probiotic and real fruit! By the end of the first week, I could walk by Gregor’s famed chocolate chip cookies he’d made at 7:30 in the morning (they were warm. WARM!) without gobbling one like an incredibly disturbed Gollum.
By the end of two weeks I felt in control of myself.1 In fact, I could sit in front of a plate of Gregor cookies while at dorm duty and feel nothing. I had my clementine.
After my self-imposed two week sugar strike, I intentionally ate a chocolate chip cookie. And promptly fell into a coma for two hours. Not even joking. Hmmm, this tells me something.
All in all, it was a good and needful experience and I’m thinking about doing it more often.
I’m back to my “one treat after dinner” some days of the week, and if I need to go cold turkey again, I know I can.
Have you ever done this?
The second habit I quit:
The Gmail app on my phone
On December 1st, 2024, I put a phone basket by the front door.
isn’t she precious? really, mom?I asked the family to experiment with me. And I had to ask them bc they are adults or nearly. “Put the phone here. Treat it like a land line.2 Let’s just try not having any phones upstairs on the second floor, okay? Please do this for me.”
It was a RAVING SUCCESS. No mindless scrolling in bed! The husband (the most resistant), teenager (second least willing), and young adult (surprisingly on board) all admitted to the benefits. These Teens Don’t Want Your Likes anyway.
There’s been some backsliding, but don’t worry, I’m a really good nagger.
After Christmas, and even with the phone parked downstairs, I could still feel my dependance. Again, those Gollum vibes.
How I had to check my text messages and email every time I walked past my phone (all day).
So…Remove the Temptation (duh, I know, and I even wrote about having only “3 checks a day” but kept backsliding bc those techies have made the phone so dang addictive!)
My solution? Take the gmail app off my phone.
Ya’ll, this has been one of the best things I’ve done for my brain.
Instead of checking, skimming, deleting, absorbing, responding throughout the entire day…I can’t. I don’t have the choice. I have to stay in the moment with the book I’m writing or the book I’ve brought with me in the waiting room or the person I’m actually with. I can’t check email “real quick” in the car when I’m bored or curious. I have to look out the window or stare at my cuticles. And that’s good!
If I want to check email, I have to use my computer. I’m on my computer all day, but if I x out, I have to log back in and that’s one more barrier that’s good for me.
I feel like a new person who’s in control of herself again.
The huge upside besides my brain not feeling like scrambled eggs?
I delete a lot of email I don’t have time or need to read
It’s actually more fun to see what’s in my inbox
I am more likely to get into DEEP WORK and FOCUS
AND I am far more efficient with my time. Meaning, I’m writing more!
The Science SaysEvery time we get pulled out of the moment with a ping or notification or “quick instagram check”, it takes our brain time to readjust. By the time it’s almost back in the moment, PING, another notification! We are literally changing the physical, neural pathways in our brains, training ourselves to never get into the flow of things, to never get into DEEP WORK. Our poor kids, what are we doing to them?
I’ve wanted to take the app off of my phone for awhile but didn’t have the guts. GUTS ATTAINED. I’m never going back.
Take a minute to think about this: why do you do what you do? What reward does the habit solve for? It’s not necessarily the habit that’s “bad” but the deep need you’re trying to solve for (relief? acceptance? justification? love?)
Does sugar and a quick email check give us that quick dopamine hit we’re craving? It does for me. And I needed to stop!
Relatedly, had a funny post about never removing Wordle (made me laugh).
The point is: our lives are our own! And our habits should serve us, not become our masters.
repeat after me.If you notice habits taking over in a way that doesn’t serve your progress, then I’m urging you to DO something about it. Quickly. Chop off the head! Forget moderation. Cold turkey is sometimes the best solution.
And that is a personal revelation to me, being the queen and preacher of moderation and all that. Funny enough, going ALL IN, helped me become more moderate.
What about you? Is there something you’ve quit or haven’t but want to…?
Love,
Amy 💖
I’m curious…Readers, I want this newsletter to serve you. This poll is completely anonymous!
A Very Special Orange
My daughter is in her second trimester and the baby is as big as an orange. So exciting. And it’s fun to paint along with the baby bump even though I’m pretty critical of this orange (but never baby!)
The Last Part:Happy for World Read Aloud Day tomorrow!!! I love meeting so many middle schoolers around the country. This is a tech win.
Relieved: to have submitted my latest manuscript (boarding school mystery)
Running: inside. ugh. Sunday morning it was -6 degrees!
Reading: The Anxious Generation, a Scott Turrow novel and have just discovered the books of Maira Kalman. Obsessed.
Smelling: I got Gregor this Mediterranean cookbook for Christmas and he’s been COOKIN’! (after Winnie the baby Schnauzer chewed the cover off 😡)
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The Unforgettable Guinevere St. Clair is part-mystery, part understanding of the human heart 💖
Ten Thousand Tries is Golden’s quest to save his dad and the soccer team ⚽
The McNifficents is one summer with six rambunctious kids and their miniature-schnauzer nanny 🐕 New Hampshire’s 2024 Great Reads for Kids selection!
1I must say that if you have any experience with eating disorders, be very aware of any “all of nothing” diets or “challenges.” With certain personalities and brains, these kinds of challenges can lead to more harm than good. Personal experience with this one. It’s tricky.
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