Had He Made a Mistake

NOTE: If you deal with medically diagnosed depression, talk to your doctor regarding any changes in your condition.

When God nudged me into a formalized type of Christian service, I thought he made a mistake. It seemed unlikely that he would use someone with such a sinful past like mine. I know his grace and forgiveness are perfect—I had a place secured in heaven—but service seemed unlikely. Besides, I thought my emotional scars were too great.  Additionally, I struggled with physical side effects from brain surgery. My mind went to Exodus 4:10:

Moses said to the Lord, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”

How could I question Moses?

Honestly, it was easy to question the nudge. Depression and Christian service seemed almost unlikely, but was it possible–Christian service from a brain-broken sinner?

But I prayerfully accepted the call, hoping my heart would experience “the peace that surpasses all understanding”. I prepared my initial talk, wrapped my audience in prayer, and readied myself to make my Heavenly Father proud. The time finally came for me to put on my best smile and walk in front of ladies who wanted to hear what I had to say.

The presentation went splendidly. Afterward, I received hugs and encouraging comments. When I returned home, however, I climbed under the covers, wishing to disappear.

Depression had found my heart

My anxiety-based depression was rooted in feelings of inadequacy and the remnants of brain trauma—rich fodder for the Enemy to rob me of the peace offered in serving Christ.

Depression is nothing new for God’s servants. Many of Scripture’s heavy hitters suffered from it. Jonah felt so bad after being in Nineveh that he asked God to, “take away my life, for it is better for me to die than to live.” (Jonah 4:3). And don’t forget Elijah. After he won an incredible battle against the prophets of Baal, he prayed, “I have had enough, Lord. Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” (1 Kings 19:4).

Depression can be paralyzing, but don’t be helpless when it hits

If Depression strikes you, here are a few suggestions to get you over the hump:

Remember Who You Are. Guard against being captivated by your own willingness to serve. Instead, focus on the Who you are serving. James 4:8 tells us, “Come near to God and he will come near to you.” Ponder Matthew 10:29, “Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.” It’s vital to stay focused.Allow Yourself to Feel Your Emotions. God created you as an emotional being. To deny that is to deny God. When depression rushes in—as difficult as it is may be—thank Him for it. Apostle Paul addressed this very point. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7, NIV).Trust Truth More Than Feelings. Acknowledge your feelings—your depression—but recognize it for what it is: only a feeling. Emotions come and go, but God’s Truth is rock-solid. Find some bet-your-life-on-it Truths that stand the test of time. Consider Truths like Hebrews 13:5 (NIV), “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” or 1 Peter 1:6 (NIV), “… though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.”

Acknowledge your feelings—your depression—but recognize it for what it is: only a feeling. Emotions come and go, but God's Truth is rock-solid
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Seek Godly Other Godly Servants. Jesus and Apostle Paul served with others. They understood the need for sharing. We can model their examples. Ask God to bring women who also have hearts for service into your life. Find your own rendition of an Aaron and Hur team. (Exodus 17:12, NIV) shows dedication in serving together, “…Aaron and Hur held his [Moses] hands up—one on one side, one on the other—so that his hands remained steady till sunset.”Prepare for Depression Before It Strikes. It’s difficult to recognize depression while you’re in its grip. If you are prone to suffer from bouts of depression, be proactive, and prepare for it. Jot favorite verses on 3×5 cards and have them ready when depression begins to steal your peace. In John 14:1, Jesus said, “Do not let your heart be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in Me.” Use scripture like the sword it is.Journal on the personal promises God’s given you and speak them back to Him. These reminders can be lifelines when doubt begins to creep in.We Must Stand Guard

We are all instructed to “guard your heart …” (Proverbs 4:23), but those who serve Christ need to be especially diligent in doing so.

While depression can be powerful emotion, it need not own us. It’s only with God’s divine protection that I made it through my sinful past. That alone gives me a reason to rejoice. Additionally, I accept my physical limitations related to my brain surgery as another point of praise.

What About You?

When depression hits, acknowledge it, tell a friend, and get more rest. This is the time to immerse yourself in scripture. I write on my 3X5 card: “My God says he will never leave me nor forsake me.” That card stays with me. I also write other cards. They have said, “My God says he has a plan for my life” and “My God cries when a sparrow falls, yet he loves me even more”.

What can you write on a card to get you through depression? The dark feelings will pass, but God’s love, promises, and purpose for your life are eternal. Don’t let depression end your Christian service.

Struggling to find good in your life? Check out my award-winning book, God’s Best During Your Worst, or check out any of my other books on my Book page.

 

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