Is Emotional Intelligence Really That Important?

Can I be candid with you? I sometimes roll my eyes at the term “emotional intelligence.” Sure, I believe there are traits, skills, and behaviors that contribute to people’s ability to interact effectively, but can one term encapsulate everything from self-awareness to sucking up and from intrinsic motivation to empathy? And if so, can one person be good at all of it? What is emotional intelligence, and is it really that important?!?

Let me step back and give a little context. I’m worried our society has become emotionally dysregulated, and that dysfunction is having an exceptionally debilitating effect on teamwork. To that end, I’m starting a series on the emotional skills required for a healthy team. I’ll start by getting a clear picture of the components of emotional intelligence.

Shall we?

What is Emotional Intelligence?

Whether you refer to it by its full name, its initials (EI), or jaunty nickname (EQ), emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, manage, and respond to emotions—your own and those of others.

Let’s go to the replay so we don’t miss any of that action.

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Emotional intelligence is your ability to understand emotions, manage emotions, and respond (appropriately) to emotions. Dang, even the first one is a lifetime’s work!

We have Daniel Goleman to thank for this model. He’s the psychologist most closely associated with the concept of emotional intelligence, and his five component model is the standard.

Emotional intelligence includes:

Self-awareness: knowing what you’re feeling, why you’re feeling it, and how those feelings link to your actions.

Self-management: finding socially appropriate ways to express and learn from your emotions.

Empathy: appreciating what someone else is feeling.

Social skills: interacting well with others in support of building relationships.

Motivation: being driven by internal needs and goals (as opposed to extrinsic motivation, where behavior is motivated by external rewards and consequences).

This last one, motivation, is where I start to raise an eyebrow at the everything-but-the-kitchen-sink definition of EI. I’m not convinced intrinsic motivation needs to be at this dance. It’s a thing, but it’s its own thing.

Do You Have to Be Good at All of It?

Do you have to be good at all of it? CAN you be good at all of it? It seems like a high bar, but consider the costs to your teamwork if you lack these dimensions.

Self-awareness

We know from Dr. Tasha Eurich’s work that there’s not much chance you’re good at this one; only 10-15% of us are. So, what happens if you’re not in touch with how you’re feeling:

Your body language screams messages at people you don’t know you’re sending. You’re taken aback by their reactions, not realizing you were the one who triggered them.Frustration, angst, and threat build up and probably leak out where you least suspect it.Your lack of self-awareness might lead to over-confidence and allow you to act in ways that are riskier than necessary (or if you suffer from imposter phenomenon, it might lead to under-confident and cause you to take fewer risks than appropriate—damned if you do, damned if you don’t, right?).Self-management

Are you able to find appropriate outlets for your emotions so that they’re instructive rather than destructive? If you’re not able to regulate your emotions or your behavioral responses to them, then:

Your emotions spiral and often increase in intensity, leading to intrusive and aversive thoughts and anxieties consuming you.You act impulsively and in ways that disrupt relationships and introduce risk to your work.You get thrown off track by frustration, boredom, excitement, or other emotions.Empathy

What happens if you aren’t in tune with other people’s experiences at work? What does it look like when you lack empathy?

You say things because they’re true without appropriating how they will land with others. You get labeled as “blunt,” “too direct,” or just “nasty.”You fail to anticipate the impact of your choices on your teammates, colleagues, or customers, which can lead to resistance to your work.Your colleagues find you self-centered and oblivious to their challenges.Social Skills

Emotional intelligence is also about managing and responding to the emotions of others. That’s where your social skills come in. Without the ability to listen, communicate, and persuade:

You miss key parts of what your colleagues are trying to communicate.You are unable to convey your own needs and desires in a way that is compelling to others.You create resistance and fail to marshal support.

This quick overview makes it clear to me that two things are true: 1) emotional intelligence is a sweeping category of traits, skills, and behaviors that would be challenging for anyone to master, and 2) failing to hone emotional intelligence skills threats effective teamwork and makes it less likely that your team will achieve amazing things together.

I guess we have work to do.

The Shadow Side of Emotional Intelligence

One caveat before I close. Why does everyone talk about emotional intelligence as the wonder cure to everything? It’s a bit Polyana, I’d say. Some of the scariest people in our world use their emotional intelligence to manipulate, marginalize, or mislead others. Let’s not ignore how people use their emotional acuity and control to push people’s buttons, expose their vulnerabilities, persuade them to do things they shouldn’t do, feel less powerful and unable to affect change, and so on and on. Like almost any skill, it can be wielded for good or evil.

Where does emotional intelligence show up in your team?

 

I lost an hour reading confirmatory factor analysis studies on the construct validity of emotional intelligence. It seems like Goleman’s model isn’t exactly how the data play out. The four factors tapped by existing measures of EQ are 1) self-emotional appraisal, 2) uses of emotion, 3) regulation of emotion, and 4) others’ emotional appraisal. Those seem to map to self-awareness, social skills, self-management, and empathy. That motivation component seems to be a bit of an appendage.

Additional Resources

Strategies for Managing Emotional Contagion for a Healthier Team Dynamic

Workplace Empathy

Hear it from Daniel Goleman on The Big Think

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