How to Find and Work with an Accountability Partner
What’s new in my writing room: My latest novel, Last Bets, was selected this month for Kirkus Reviews' Top 100 Best Indie Books of the Year! Kirkus reviews thousands of indie books, and less than 1% receive a coveted starred review (which mine did). Of those, only 100 are selected across all genres for the “Best of” list. Kirkus is (to many) the Michelin Guide to industry book reviews. A star is like a Michelin three star award. A Best of is way beyond! I’m humbled, stunned, delighted. Grateful to all who helped me get here.
Photo by Isaac Wendland on UnsplashQuite a few years ago, I took an online class with the Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown, Massachusetts. I had taken a lot of online writing classes around that time, even before the pandemic, because it was hard to travel to in-person ones in my area. I liked FAWC and I especially loved the class I took that year—because I met my accountability partner there.
I don’t remember too much specifically about the class topic or the instructor. But we were in small feedback groups, and I totally lucked out with my classmates.
I was working on the very early beginnings of what would become my third novel. One of my feedback partners was a sailor, and since the story was about an island, she was able to give me great suggestions for making the sailing scenes more accurate.
I also loved the insights shared by the other writer in my small group.
We liked each others’ comments enough to keep going privately after class ended. I think we continued sharing work for at least six months, each sending an excerpt each month. I’m hazy on the details from so long ago, but there was some structure of exchange that worked for each of us. And the accountability was almost more valuable than the actual feedback.
Our trio hummed along for a while, but eventually one of the writers lost momentum. Maybe it was job challenges or something happening in home life, but soon it was only two of us exchanging. I kept fingers crossed that she would stick with me. We were both serious about publishing, we both wrote steadily, and we both read deeply, so the comments were beyond surface level.
We’ve been writing partners now for two novels, one novella, and several short stories (her) and two novels and several short stories (me).
Although we exchange writing and give feedback, I most value her for accountability. She’s my first successful experience with a long-time partner who keeps me on track with my writing goals.
She is not judgmental. She celebrates my wins and helps me grieve losses. She is always excited about what I’m working on and gives me ongoing encouragement.
Developing a writing partnershipAccountability partners come in all levels of commitment, frequency and type of interaction, and what each offers the other. I have what I consider an ideal relationship with my writing partner, but it took time and work to get there.
At first, we were like traditional writing group members. We exchanged writing for feedback. Eventually, it evolved into more. Sometimes, as in the past year when I’ve mostly been promoting my recent novel, I pause in sending her work. But I still respond to her writing as often as she wants to send it. Other years, this has flipped, and she’s read more for me. We maintain a generous spirit about what we are willing to give, within constraints of our lives.
What I appreciate most is our regular touch-ins with each other. What are you working on now? What’s new in your writing life? What goals do you have, that I can help you with?
Types of accountability partnersAn accountability partner’s role in your writing life is to support you with regular checkins. Someone cares. You can ask questions, run ideas by your partner, grieve your rejections. Offer and give feedback. But most of all, the goal of an accountability partner is to keep you working steadily.
The point is to become accountable. The idea is to have someone out there who cares if you are. It’s very morale boosting, and I’ve found it keeps me going through the slog of writing, especially with a long project like a book manuscript.
The best accountability partner is also nonjudgmental. Yet they are able to kindly call you on any slippage. In other words, they’ll hear you when you haven’t done anything and they’ll understand, but they’ll also care enough to help you get back on track.
Checkins can be simply a text, email, or phone call sharing what you did that week towards your writing goals and what you plan for the next week. For instance, “This week I wrote XX words” or “I didn’t meet my goal of ten revised pages but I did some amazing research and discovered XX.”
Accountability partner or writing group?What’s your primary need right now, in this new year of writing? Are you ready for feedback or do you mostly want to keep butt in chair and get some pages done?
When I taught weeklong writing retreats, writers often wanted to continue working together after the retreat ended. We talked about what each person most needed. Many gained such momentum from the retreat that they wanted regular critique of pages. These writers formed groups with regular meetings, an exchange of writing, and feedback.
Writing groups are huge in my own writing life; I’ve belonged to many, and I couldn’t produce as regularly without the one I’m in now. But groups have a challenge inherent in their structure: they often require similarity in experience and type of project for long-term health.
Why? When there’s unevenness in individual goals or publishing experience, feedback might vary wildly. Newer writers may not know how to critique a piece close to publication. It takes time to learn this art. There may be jealousy if one group member gets an agent or publishes. Or when a new author’s immediate interest turns to promotion rather than writing, the need for a group dissolves for six months to a year. When a relationship pivots around feedback and a writer stops writing, what reason is there to stay together?
When this has happened in my group of four, we ride it out successfully because everyone still gives feedback. And we know from experience that the “missing” group member will return with a new project, because we are all serious about our work.
Accountability partners experience very little of this unevenness. We’re just after regular accountability and our goals can move around without disturbing the structure of the exchange. Even when one partner publishes and moves on to marketing for a while, support can still continue.
A writing career flexes. There are always ebbs and flows around publishing. I love how my partner and I have managed these flows without losing each other.
How to find your ownIt takes trial and time to find a good accountability partner, but it’s so worth it. Fastest way? Join a group in a class or elsewhere. Meet other writers online. Reach out to someone in your current writing group to see if they might be interested. If you are both working on deadline to finish or continue a current manuscript, it can help enormously.
I hear lots of successful stories about how accountability partners get it each to publication. Two writers from one of my weeklong retreats joined up and worked as accountability partners for a year. Because of this, one was able to finish and publish her second novel, the other finish her memoir.
If you’re considering an accountability partner, here are good questions to ask:
How often will you check in with each other? I find that weekly is the best to keep momentum.
How will you check in? Text or email? A short phone or Zoom call?
What projects will you be working on? Interestingly, it’s less important in accountability partners to have the same type of goals. One can be working on research, for instance, and the other in cranking out pages. All that really matters is the regularity of the checkins.
How will you each handle it if the other person takes a pause? Will the continuing writer be able to keep the partnership going?
Your Weekly Writing ExerciseThink about the benefits to you, in this new year of writing, in having an accountability partner. If it feels right, reach out to someone this week and start the conversation.
Check out these interesting articles about the process:
Shout Out!A hearty shout out to these writing friends and former students who are publishing their books! I encourage you to pre-order or order a copy to show your support of fellow writers and our writing community.
(If you are a former student and will publish soon (pre-orders of your book are available now), or have in the past two months, email mary[at]marycarrollmoore[dot]com to be included in a future Shout Out! I’ll keep your listing here for two months.)
Megan Lindhal Goodrich, Beyond Terminal: Processing Childhood Trauma to Reclaim Self (Wise Ink), September release
Elizabeth Jarrett Andrew, The Release: Creativity and Freedom after the Writing Is Done (Skinner House), October release
Robert Johns, The Fighters: A Trilogy (River Grove Books), October release
Morgan Baylog Finn, The Gathering: Poems (Finishing Line Press), November release
Ed Orzechowski, Becoming Darlene: The Story of Belchertown Patient #4952 (Levellers Press), November release
Mary Beth Spray, Imprint: A Woman’s Journey from Trauma to Freedom (Beaver’s Pond Press), December release
I’m a lifelong artist, and I love to inspire and support other creative folk, which is why I write this weekly newsletter. My goal with these posts is to help you strengthen your writing practice and creative life so it becomes more satisfying to you.
I’m also the author of 15 books in 3 genres. My third novel, Last Bets (Riverbed Press), was published in April, after becoming an Amazon bestseller during pre-orders. My second novel, A Woman’s Guide to Search & Rescue (Riverbed Press), was published in October 2023 also and became an Amazon bestseller and Hot New Release from pre-orders. For twelve years, I worked as a full-time food journalist, most notably through my weekly column for the Los Angeles Times syndicate. My writing-craft book, Your Book Starts Here, won the New Hampshire Literary Awards “People’s Choice” in 2011 and my first novel, Qualities of Light, was nominated for PEN/Faulkner and Lambda Literary awards in 2009. I’ve written Your Weekly Writing Exercise every Friday since 2008.
