Ridiculously indulgent broccoli quickbread

So, I’ve made this a couple of times, and I think it’s easy, good, impressive, and funny, all at the same time – an ideal party or potluck contribution, in other words. Naturally, I tweaked the recipe and I suggest you do as well, but here, take a look:

I think this looks great and also fun.

Broccoli “Cake” (actually a quick bread, definitely not a cake because that would be weird)

INGREDIENTSCOMMENTS  13 oz butter, softenedI used eight ounces of butter plus about 3 Tbsp olive oil, and frankly I think it’s worth trying with just eight ounces of butter, but I have also made this exactly as it says, with this much butter, even though that looks absolutely ridiculous.  8 eggs, room tempI have always used all eight eggs, but I bet seven would work. Or six. Not sure, though.   The way to bring eggs to room temp fast is to run the water as hot as it will go, fill a large bowl with hot water, put the eggs in the water, and wait five minutes. Since I have never in my life remembered to take eggs out of the fridge half an hour before making a cake, this is how I usually do it.   The eggs are going to provide all the lift, so they really are important and should be at room temp, no fooling.  2 1/3 C. flour   1/3 C sugar   Pinch saltThis is not NEARLY enough, and I wound up sprinkling each slice of bread with kosher salt to make up for the stupidly undersalted recipe.   Use 1 tsp salt or 1¼ kosher salt, as anybody can see that has got to be closer to appropriate.  Pinch turmericThis is for color, obviously, and you could leave it out. I think the bread will be yellow enough without a little turmeric. If you use eggs from free-range hens, the yolks are probably going to be darker yellow and you almost certainly wouldn’t need turmeric.  Pinch baking powderI can’t help but feel this is just for show. What is a pinch going to do here? Anything? I doubt it. Nevertheless, I put it in.   A pinch is 1/16 tsp, by the way. Or, I mean, it’s a pinch.  1½ lb broccoliYou don’t need a full pound and a half. I think I used about half a pound, though I didn’t weigh it. What you need is big, nice florets. If you buy crowns, with less stem, then you won’t need to buy as much by weight.   However, if you happen to have left over broccoli, that’s fine, just use it for something else.

Now, to make the bread. Cake, if you really want to call it that. Whatever you’re going to call it.

Cut the broccoli into big florets. Like, if the “head” of a floret is about two or three inches across, that’s fine. Big. Not that you can’t use smaller florets. But big is good. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil, dump in the broccoli, stir to submerge, bring the water back to a rolling boil, dump the broccoli into a colander, and rinse with cold water to cool it off.

There’s no need to be obsessive here. Has the water returned to a “rolling” boil? Probably close enough, or if you want to wait another thirty seconds, fine, probably doesn’t matter. Do you need to cool the broccoli off all the way? No, you probably don’t really need to run cold water over it at all. However, I wouldn’t just skip this step either. You want the broccoli blanched, not actually cooked, but you do need it blanched. This isn’t that much trouble, so go ahead and do it.

Heat the oven to 400 degrees F.

Beat the butter (or butter and oil) until creamy. Beat in eggs, on low, one at a time. Combine dry ingredients and add to egg mixture.

Line a normal loaf pan with parchment paper. Spray with cooking spray. Spoon in 2/3 of the batter. Line up the broccoli florets down the middle, like you are planting trees in the batter. Closely packed trees. Spoon in the rest of the batter and sort of squish it around so the broccoli florets are basically buried. It won’t matter if they show through a little.

Lower the temp to 350 degrees F, and I am here to tell you that if you forget to lower the temperature, the bread will be fine, but you may create a little smoke, thus setting off smoke alarms near the kitchen and bothering any spaniel puppies you may have hanging out nearby. Joy’s grandmother is terrified of smoke, something I’d forgotten until Joy reacted the same way. They are quietly terrified, so if we had an actual house fire, I hope some other dog will actually bark and wake us up.

Anyway, bake at 350 degrees F for 45 minutes. Probably you should turn the loaf pan around in the oven at about the 35 minute mark, but if your oven bakes REALLY EVENLY, maybe you won’t have to.

Cool for five minutes or so, turn out, cool slightly or all the way to room temperature, whatever you prefer, slice, and serve, to the admiration of all.

Because this is such a ridiculously over-the-top rich bread – 13 oz of butter! Eight eggs! I mean! – I would suggest serving it with soup or salad. I don’t mean a rich cream soup, either, or a salad heaped with chicken and cheese. I mean some light soup and a normal salad that isn’t a main course type of salad.

My guess is that people who think they hate broccoli will be fine with this bread. The broccoli flavor is perceptible, but not front-and-center.

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