In Troubled Times: How Stories Save Us

I first posted this in August, 2021. Hold on to hope!
Stories can heal and transform us. They can also becomebeacons of hope.
Quite a few years ago, when I was going through a difficultpersonal time, I came across a book about the inherent healing power of tellingour stories. No matter how scattered or flawed our lives may appear, as we tellour stories, we gain something. Patterns emerge from seeming chaos, and ourlives begin to make sense. It may be dreadful, agonizing sense, but eventragedies have order and consequence. I found that over time, the way I told mystory changed, reflecting my recovery process and new insight.
The mirror side of story-telling is story-listening. While a confidential diary orjournal can be highly useful, having someone hear our words can betransformative, especially if all that person does is listening. Not judging, notanalyzing, not wondering how to respond, just taking in our words, a silentpartner on our journey. Often we feel less alone in retrospect, no matter howisolated and desperate we might have been at the time. Additionally, acompassionate listener invites us to be kinder with ourselves.
Perhaps this is how Twelve Step programs work, apart from anyHigher Power mysticism or Steps: that by simply hearing our own voices relateour histories, and having the experience of being heard, we open the door to viewingourselves through the lens of new possibilities.
Personal storytelling calls for discretion, of course. Althoughit may be true that “we are only as sick as our secrets,” casually (ornot-so-casually) violating a confidence from someone else is not the same aschoosing to include the listener in our own private lives. Some of us neverlearned healthy boundaries about what is safe to share, and when, and withwhom. We, or others, can be harmed by indiscriminate broadcasting ofembarrassing, illegal, or otherwise sensitive information. The kind ofstorytelling I’m talking about, on the other hand, is as much about the journeyas it is the facts.
Stories can get us through dark times by giving us hope andinspiring empathy. Stories work by creating a bond between the narrator orcentral character and the listener/reader. Who wants to read a story about aperson you care nothing about? And if that appealing character has a differenthistory or journey, or learns something the reader never experienced, so muchthe better. We accompany them into darkness and out again.

Hopeful stories provide an antidote to fear-driven stories.We find allies in unexpected places. Who would have thought that scruffy oldStrider would turn out to be Aragorn (not me, not the first time I read The Lord of the Rings)? They remind usthat even in times when all seems bleak, the tide can and does turn. Springfollows winter’s desolation. We, too, can be saved. Or, more to the point, wetoo are capable of setting aside those fears and reaching out to those in need.
I have a treasure trove of stories I come back to again andagain. They re-kindle hope in me but also when I tell them, they create abridge of empathy, even with people who appear to be “on the other side” ofarguments. One story I heard in an inter-faith workshop, from a Catholic womanwho had worked with TheCompassionate Listening Project in the Middle East. She said that she andher colleagues listened to people from different sides of the conflict there,and that as the speakers made their points and felt their experiences valued,their stances softened. Each side became more willing to look at mutuallybeneficial solutions and to acknowledge the suffering and aspirations of theother.
So stories of hope and positive change affect not only thestorytellers but the listeners. A recent blog post on the websiteof the American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) put it this way:

Fortunately, research also shows that messages framed interms of hope, especially when coupled with messages that include positivefeedback, can counter fearmongering effectively. Hope-based messages can alsohelp people change their minds about key issues. Why? Because when people havemade up their minds about an issue, they are prone to only hear facts thatsupport their position - especially if they are already stressed and the factsthey hear are framed in terms of fear. But, when people hear messages framed interms of hope and positive feedback, they are able to digest new information inways that can ultimately lead to a shift in perspective.

As we move through troubled times, let’s do our best tocreate and tell – and re-tell as many times as necessary – those stories.