What If Agents Queried Writers?
In my cheekiest moments whilst thinking about the traditional publishing world, I often think about what things would be like for writers if certain parts of the process got flipped.
For example, what if agents queried writers? What if we had a gargantuan place where we could put information about our writing lives, share our publishing history, include direct links to the manuscripts we’d like to get published…oh hold on…I think maybe…is that like, an internet?
What if there was a way we could direct agents to what we’d like to get published so they can get a taste of what we do, who we are, and what we’re dreaming about for our publication lives – and the agents query us!
We could create google form, as many of the agents these days have done, or we could all agree on the format of an agent-to-writer query…perhaps something that would go a little something like this:
Dear Writer*,
FIRST PARAGRAPH: In one-to-three sentences, tell us what kind of agent you are (what genre(s) you represent), how many authors you currently represent, how many books you’ve ‘sold’, and what makes you different than all the other agents out there.
SECOND PARAGRAPH: In three-to-five sentences, tell me why my manuscript is so amazing, what Big Five acquiring editors would be interested, the amount of the book advance you think you could get me, and how our working relationship will play out.
THIRD PARAGRAPH: In three-to-four sentences tell me something unique and exciting about you – personally. Please include books you’ve read that compare to what I’ve written – and why you think my story is marketable. Really pitch me on who you are so that, if I’ve made it this far into the query, these final bits of dazzling you will make me fall in love and want to respond.
End with a witty yet humble signature,
Your name**
*Show that you’ve done your homework – is there something you’ve learned about me that you can put into the salutation with my name? Example: Dear Vanessa, swimming goddess and lover of chocolate…Be sure to not make it too shmaltzy though.
**Include your actual signature not just your typed out name
There would be guidelines for you to acknowledge from the writer as well. Including but not limited to:
a) It could take up to 8 months for a response. If you do not get a response within that time, then that means the writer is not interested. Only digital queries will be accepted.
b) Not every writer will accept simultaneously querying agents.
c) Please do not use your voice for any kind of contact, and do not ‘follow-up’: no phone calls, voice mails, text messages, or follow-up emails. The writer will contact you if the writer is interested.
d) Please include your query in the body of the email. Do not include any attachments: example: photos, art, any form of attachable ‘pleas’ for the writer to choose you.
It would go without needing to be said that this query will very likely be read on a cell phone whilst in transit, and will be one of many. So, if that opening salutation and first paragraph doesn’t grab the writer…
If the agent is extra curious about the writer, they could attend a writing workshop and/or a conference where they could pay to meet with the writer for a maximum of 12 minutes to ‘pitch’ themselves. But it should be noted that each agent who pitches the same writer will most likely receive the complete opposite feedback on their query.
Is this too cheeky? I’m simply trying to poke some fun at the challenges/frustrations writers feel when querying agents. I understand that each agent is different, with different goals and interests, with different spots to fill in their roster…and lots and lots of work to do.
I think we can all agree that whether we’re an agent or a writer, what we do have in common is that we all work our hineys off. We are all, in fact, over-worked, underpaid, and a little broken-hearted at the fact that there are so many damn amazing stories and so little time to read and love them.
Oh, and sometimes, I think a version of agents-querying-writers does happen. I’ve heard of writers being contacted because an editorial assistant or intern found the writer on a writing platform like Wattpad or Amazon or Tiktok. It isn’t impossible to be sought out by an agent.
And it isn’t impossible to break the rules and sleuth your way to speak to an agent. Like, actually on the phone with your voice. I did it. Once. Funny but true story. I did some serious searching on-line to try and contact an agent in New York. I managed to get a number to the building…and then to a receptionist…and then directly to the agent. He was very surprised that I’d made it to him. He said, and I quote: “You’ve got balls.” And then he asked me about my query and my email, he read it in real-time, said it wasn’t for him, but good luck. He said he hoped I’d “find a home for it.” (Yeah, it’s called my home. My house. The manuscript did not find an agent or a publisher. Yet.It was a very exciting exercise for me, and one that I haven’t been able to recreate.
There are ways around the Excruciatingly Long (Possible) Response time of agents. Seek them out at conferences or workshops. You’ll likely have to pay to see them, but you’ll get a chance to see them, talk to them, and pitch your story. Of course, the other way is to write something that they want to represent. And to write a kick-ass query letter that lights them up.
