Is it Time to Break Up With Your Critique Partner?

Critique partners should believe
in each other's work.

I've been really lucky to have great critique partners during my writing career, but many people are not so fortunate. Behind the scenes this week, a few newer writers have discussed with me their experiences with critiquing and I thought the topic would make a good blog post. The stories I'm about to tell you are true although names and minor details have been changed to protect both the innocent and the guilty.





Rebecca finished her first novel, a humorous suspense with a strong, gritty voice.  She joined a critique group to prepare for submitting her novel to agents.  When her first critique came back, there was more red ink than type. Halfway through edits, Rebecca realized that her new partner was turning her lighthearted, humorous, suspense into a literary novel. She was successful when she scrapped the changes and stuck with her original version.




Jonathon swapped manuscripts with Eric.  Although Eric's manuscript was in poor condition grammatically, Jonathon worked hard to give Eric the most detailed feedback possible, pointing out multiple objective errors and how to correct them. In contrast, when Jonathon's manuscript was returned  there were almost no comments from Eric.  Far from appreciating Jonathon's effort, Eric made it widely known in social circles that his manuscript was "ripped apart" by Jonathon.




Sally was a first time self-pubbed author who couldn't afford an editor. She traded manuscripts with another self-pubbed author, Tim, for proofreading. But Sally was pressed for time, so she skimmed Tim's work rather than giving it the attention she would give her own manuscript. She gave Tim feedback but it was far from thorough. When Tim's feedback came in, there was more than Sally was expecting.  Since she was still pressed for time, she decided to make only some of the suggested changes.  Tim was offended when the book was published containing errors that he clearly pointed out in Sally's manuscript. He was also disappointed when he found multiple errors in his own work that she didn't catch and ended up having to hire an editor anyway.




 As writers, we all want strong critique partners but, unless your critique partner has worked as an editor, they are probably not practiced at coaching the best from your manuscript. AND THAT'S OKAY! Critiquing after all isn't a job and fellow writers are not paid editors. CP's give each other a significant investment of their time knowing it may not pay off in a direct way (Indirectly, I'm convinced critiquing keeps a writer's editing skills sharp and sparks creativity). I truly believe every well intentioned CP has something to offer a manuscript. But sometimes things go wrong and the relationship hurts more than it helps. 





A toxic critiquing relationship drags you down and makes you less likely to confidently pursue improvement of your work. 




Here are some warning signs of when to call it quits.




Your CP consistently corrects something (or multiple somethings) in your manuscripts that isn't wrong despite you pointing out why it's right. You look it up just to make sure, and yes that colon, comma, etc. is in the right place but still he/she keeps "finding" it.
Your CP confuses opinion with fact. He/she just can't believe your character would do that and therefore your story is wrong. Or she heard that publishers were looking for X and your manuscript is Y therefore you have to change it. These sins are so formidable he/she can't finish reading your work although somehow you made it through their 100,000 word masterpiece titled The History of The Snail.
Your CP is never available or takes an excessively long time to get your manuscript back to you, then has few suggestions for improvement.
Your CP says a bunch of complementary things about your manuscript but didn't catch the glaring typo on page 45 and you have reason to suspect didn't read the entire manuscript.  This is what I call the poison pill.  Intentionally NOT pointing out problems or reviewing the manuscript haphazardly and then giving you a false confidence is the worst thing a CP can do to you. Critique partners need to give and take honest criticism freely and peruse each others work carefully. 
Your CP has never said anything complementary about your writing.
Your CP doesn't thank you for your critique and/or doesn't use your objective suggestions.  Here I am talking about someone who makes an objective grammatical error, you point out the error, and they intentionally don't change it.  (And yes, I've heard of an incident of this happening)
Your CP gossips about your critique to others or (God forbid) shows your unfinished work to others.
Your CP tries to make your writing something that it's not.

Want to be a great CP? Do the opposite. Give careful, well-researched feedback, in line with your partner's expectations. Explain why you have the opinion you do when giving subjective advice. Point out both the good and the bad in the manuscript in a way that conveys that you really believe in your partner's ability to make it better. Give and take criticism confidentially with an open mind and in a timely manner.



Readers, I'm curious, how do you get the most out of your critiquing relationships?