I Never Wanted to Be Right
In lieu of my normal blog, I would like to post the following section from my new Book: Conspiracy Crew: The End is Meow. Unlike Tales, I chose not to host a giveaway on this site and will not be doing so going forward. However, for those of you interested, I may be persuaded if you message me privately.
As you read this snippet, please keep in mind two things: 1.) I wrote this in shortly after the suspicious Maui fires and 2.) I never wanted to be right.
Moyra opened the gate and entered the barn to see Lord Zlorp standing with Mr. Hie in a warm coat. The lizard person was adjusting to the cold well despite his reptilian blood.
There was something under a large sheet in the center of the barn. Lord Zlorp was frowning at a handheld device set on top of the sheet.
“Is it safe to touch?” Moyra asked about the covered object.
“Let me go first,” Lord Zlorp removed the sheet to reveal a strange sight. It was a metallic ball of sorts with a flat plate at the top — designed to be mounted on something. There was a focus exit, like a gun tube or engine exhaust port. It looked like an odd combination between a disco ball, an engine, and a laser.
“Is that what I think it is?” Moyra asked.
“What could you possibly think that is?” Tommy groaned. “I’ve never seen anything like it!”
“I have,” Lord Zlorp sighed. “I’ve been fired at with one before. It’s a direct energy weapon. Will Yates and the other rich jerks are going to start fires all over the world with these things to make humans believe in global warming.”
“Not that crap again,” Tommy moaned.
Mr. Hie nodded. “Global warming will become a new religion in the West, one which will force people into 15minute cities and onto an unnatural diet.”
“So, Chester was right about the humans eating bugs and living in pods?” Tommy said. “Wait, what am I saying? Of course, that fur ball was right! The nuttier he sounds, the more right he is!”
Lord Zlorp adjusted the object so its laser focus was pointing out the open barn door toward a five-foot-high snow bank. “Stay back,” he advised and then hit a few buttons on the remote. A strange whirring filled the air, and lights danced about the ball. Then, a bright, hot beam shot from it, dousing the snowbank in a roaring wall of fire. The air was thick with hissing as the snow quickly evaporated and turned into a hot, ghostlike mist around them.
When the air cleared, the Crew saw the bank completely obliterated; it had melted down to a pile of rocks, their black surfaces scorched and smoking.
“What the fluff!” cried Tommy.
“I can disable this model, but there are likely others around,” Lord Zlorp advised. “I’ll get in contact with my people and see if they have any advice. In the meantime, I recommend you get some emergency supplies and be ready for whatever the rich jerks throw your way. There will likely be food shortages in addition to ‘climate changes.’”
“I agree. He who controls the food controls the people,” Moyra sighed.
“He who controls the weather controls the fear,” Mr. Hie added.
“And he who controls both controls the world,” Lord Zlorp concluded.
As you read this snippet, please keep in mind two things: 1.) I wrote this in shortly after the suspicious Maui fires and 2.) I never wanted to be right.
Moyra opened the gate and entered the barn to see Lord Zlorp standing with Mr. Hie in a warm coat. The lizard person was adjusting to the cold well despite his reptilian blood.
There was something under a large sheet in the center of the barn. Lord Zlorp was frowning at a handheld device set on top of the sheet.
“Is it safe to touch?” Moyra asked about the covered object.
“Let me go first,” Lord Zlorp removed the sheet to reveal a strange sight. It was a metallic ball of sorts with a flat plate at the top — designed to be mounted on something. There was a focus exit, like a gun tube or engine exhaust port. It looked like an odd combination between a disco ball, an engine, and a laser.
“Is that what I think it is?” Moyra asked.
“What could you possibly think that is?” Tommy groaned. “I’ve never seen anything like it!”
“I have,” Lord Zlorp sighed. “I’ve been fired at with one before. It’s a direct energy weapon. Will Yates and the other rich jerks are going to start fires all over the world with these things to make humans believe in global warming.”
“Not that crap again,” Tommy moaned.
Mr. Hie nodded. “Global warming will become a new religion in the West, one which will force people into 15minute cities and onto an unnatural diet.”
“So, Chester was right about the humans eating bugs and living in pods?” Tommy said. “Wait, what am I saying? Of course, that fur ball was right! The nuttier he sounds, the more right he is!”
Lord Zlorp adjusted the object so its laser focus was pointing out the open barn door toward a five-foot-high snow bank. “Stay back,” he advised and then hit a few buttons on the remote. A strange whirring filled the air, and lights danced about the ball. Then, a bright, hot beam shot from it, dousing the snowbank in a roaring wall of fire. The air was thick with hissing as the snow quickly evaporated and turned into a hot, ghostlike mist around them.
When the air cleared, the Crew saw the bank completely obliterated; it had melted down to a pile of rocks, their black surfaces scorched and smoking.
“What the fluff!” cried Tommy.
“I can disable this model, but there are likely others around,” Lord Zlorp advised. “I’ll get in contact with my people and see if they have any advice. In the meantime, I recommend you get some emergency supplies and be ready for whatever the rich jerks throw your way. There will likely be food shortages in addition to ‘climate changes.’”
“I agree. He who controls the food controls the people,” Moyra sighed.
“He who controls the weather controls the fear,” Mr. Hie added.
“And he who controls both controls the world,” Lord Zlorp concluded.
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You Can Only Do So Much
Thoughts on our current situation as Americans and what literature can teach us about our limitations over current affairs.
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