Taking My Children Out Of The Box: Accepting Their Unique Design & Why It Matters Eternally

These days, there are a million people with a million opinions on a million different things. It can be difficult to know whose voice and opinions we should trust, especially with a subject so important and eternally significant as raising children. Sally Clarkson has been a voice for mothers for over thirty years. It’s clear that Sally’s value on uniqueness, modeled after how she saw God love all of His children, works. Together with her son, Nathan Clarkson, Sally co-authored Uniquely You: Exploring Your Child’s Extraordinarily Distinctive Design.In the book, they highlight the beauty of every child’s individuality—whether it’s their personality, love language, skills, learning style, or more—and offer insight into how understanding and nurturing each child’s uniqueness is key to their growth and success. Below is a heart-touching excerpt from the book encapsulates the messages they hope to explore in both emotional and practical ways. It’s a joy to welcome Sally and Nathan to the farm table today…

Guest Post by Sally Clarkson and Nathan Clarkson

Thirty years ago, I was exhausted to my toes. A respiratory virus had slowly moved viciously through our family, leaving us tired and ragged.

Every night had left me caring for a different child and the sleeplessness had left me listless and drained.

Somehow, three-year-old Nathan had avoided the dreaded plague, and for a moment, I believed against hope that all might be well, until, suddenly, he started to cough.

As the illness descended upon Nathan, my husband, Clay, offered to take the other kids out to church. Fatigued, I stayed home with Nathan to keep him company and see him through the illness on my own. I felt insufficient to the task, introverted, and just wanting to retreat into my own quiet solitude for a moment of respite.

“I feel so close to you, Mama. I wish we could spend more time talking together. I just have lots of things to say! Thank you for listening to me.”

As I sat down on the couch, Nathan came bounding in with a smile and sat next to me. Pressing down the exhaustion, I turned to him and asked him what he wanted to do.

“Let’s talk!” he proclaimed. And for the next forty-five minutes, that is precisely what we did.

I entered into every little dimension of his universe: from his observations and interests to his perspectives on other children, to his cherished delights and genuine concerns. I listened attentively, giving him dedicated eye contact and rubbing his back gently while he chattered on.

Soon, the busy line of conversation trickled as he began to grow tired. As his energy slipped away, he looked at me with earnest and said, “I feel so close to you, Mama. I wish we could spend more time talking together. I just have lots of things to say! Thank you for listening to me.”

” I realized in that moment that I was his confidant, and that in opening up to me, he was allowing me to access a genuine and sincere part of his personality. “

With those words, my mama heart melted, and I saw, perhaps for the first time, the real Nathan underneath the incessant wiggles and disruption. I saw, as if in an epiphany, the truth about Nathan. He is a verbal processor.

For Nathan, what he still desires more than anything is to be heard, to be allowed to speak his thoughts in relationship with those whom he most loves. I realized in that moment that I was his confidant, and that in opening up to me, he was allowing me to access a genuine and sincere part of his personality. 

I thought of how his Sunday school teachers told me with exasperation that he constantly needed to be hushed; and I realized just how counterproductive and wrong that attitude was. They presumed he was rebellious and attempted to subdue something that was never meant to be suppressed in him. It was to Nathan’s glory, and essentially to God’s, for him to be able to communicate and open up about the world of words and ideas constantly bouncing around in his head.

If I was to truly love him, I needed to make space to hear his words and to affirm them. There would always be time for training, which we did on a continual basis, but I needed to see that his bursting heart was good. 

This is a crucial part of our responsibility as parents: to accept the reality that each child is made uniquely with their own capacities, personalities, interests, strengths, and weaknesses. Our children are their own special stories, books waiting to be opened up and read with interest.

You and I as parents are the readers, the ones who might take the time to dive deep into the whole story of their creative individuality. The book of every child is its own genre, and each child has different “characters” that make up their inner world. Just as it delights you and me when someone takes the time to understand our inner workings, so too will your children come to life when you delve into their special narratives. 

To achieve this insight requires a special investment of time and energy on our part, a willingness to develop habits of observation, and the patience to allow those aspects of our children to emerge so that we can engage with them in a meaningful way.

“The effort we develop in gaining a vision for the uniqueness of our children will in time pay dividends, drawing them closer to us, and allowing us to be set up for success in how we help them be the best version of themselves. “

It is understandable that we often feel tired and simply want to get on with our lives; and yet if we don’t take the time to understand, to study and learn each child’s “bent,” we are inviting more conflict and misunderstanding in the future. The effort we develop in gaining a vision for the uniqueness of our children will in time pay dividends, drawing them closer to us, and allowing us to be set up for success in how we help them be the best version of themselves.

I won’t lie to you: learning the inner workings of your child has been a lifetime project and has stretched me more than I could ever have imagined. And yet the process has given me a depth of insight and compassion, not only for my children but also for other people in my life as well.

There is no formula for discovering the dimensions of each of your precious ones; it is a long-term process of trial and error. But the more you listen and observe, letting them communicate themselves to you in their own way, the more you will become an expert in understanding each of your children. You will become a trusted interpreter of them, helping them understand themselves, their family members, and the world around them in a way that strengthens them and helps them thrive.

Every child is designed uniquely by God, and He has entrusted you with His special creations. Over time, we can move away from seeking to mold our children into our own image so they’re easier to manage, and instead, learn to see them as unique, creative expressions of God’s design.

They are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him!

Through patience and commitment, we will eventually reap a harvest. Today, I encourage you to begin the journey of discovering the individual wonders of each one.

Sally Clarkson is a beloved speaker, mother, mentor, and bestselling author of over twenty books who has spent three decades encouraging and supporting Christian women. She hosts the popular podcast At Home With Sally, which inspires countless listeners around the world. She lives between the mountains of Colorado Springs and the cobblestone streets of Oxford, England. Learn more about Sally here: www.SallyClarkson.com

Nathan Clarkson is an award-winning film and television actor, a bestselling author of numerous books, a hit indie-filmmaker, and a podcast philosopher on The Overthinkers. Nathan lives between the lights of Los Angeles and the streets of New York City. Learn more about Nathan here: www.NathanClarkson.me

Uniquely You, by best-selling authors Sally Clarkson and her son, Nathan Clarkson, is filled with biblical and life-learned wisdom for helping kids become and enjoy being the person God has designed them to be. Parents discover the unique personalities, learning, and love languages of their children. The Clarksons help you imagine discipline and dreams that fit your unique kids.

Our kids have a designed place in God’s story. Uniquely You is the guidebook for partnering with Him in the journey of discovering their unique roles. Your kids will say with confidence and joy, “I am the only me!

{Our humble thanks to Moody Publishers for their partnership in today’s devotional.}