The Death of Asking for Permission

Lessons from a Life of Building, Not Just Consuming

For the longest time, I was the person who said, “I have an idea!” Whether it was to friends, family, or anyone who’d listen, my next step was always to ask, “What do you think?”

But here’s the thing: when you tell the wrong people your ideas, and the wrong people can be close friends and family …. they hand you their limits.

My mother, for example, was quick to remind me to “be realistic.”

Friends would poke holes in my plans based on their own fears.

Some even weaponized their conservative values, dismissing ideas like a film about werewolves or vampires as something I “shouldn’t” pursue.

And then there were those who’d simply shrug, offering no encouragement at all. But talk about buying the next pair of Jordans or talk about taking a vacation to someplace expensive, it’s all good.

Looking back, I see those conversations stole something from me. Shit. They stole a lot, come to think of it.

Not because these people were malicious, but because they weren’t builders. They just weren’t dreamers. They were just consumers.

It’s been a few years now that I stopped asking for permission to explore an idea or seeking advice from people who don’t build anything.

When I cut those conversations out of my life, something incredible happened: I started producing, and I haven’t stopped.

Breaking Free from the Noise

Especially when it comes to my mother, I’ve learned that silence is my greatest tool.

When I don’t share my plans, I don’t get the negativity, the doubt, or the unsolicited advice. The irony? When she eventually discovers what I’ve accomplished, she’s “surprised.” But you know who’s not surprised? The people who’ve believed in me all along—the ones who understand what it means to create, fail, and try again.

This isn’t to say my ideas should have some sort of checks and balances. I think of my wife, Donna. She wasn’t always onboard with every concept that I spit out, but overtime, she’s gotten to the point that I’ve ever asked of anyone else when they hear an idea from me. She’ll say “Why not? Give it a shot.” She has seen my results and learned to on the right side of history. lol.

Yes, my family and friends do a lot of traveling, shopping, and posting Instagram-worthy moments. But none of them are out here building. I can’t ask them about producing short films, publishing novels, developing business infrastructures, and navigating the complexities of something as intense as Y Combinator’s Startup School. They are too busy taking the next trip to Dubai, Paris, etc. etc. Very nice. Very expensive. Which, as I’ll continue to say, is all good. They can do them.

As I will most definitely do me.

The difference is, I don’t spend my time telling them to NOT go on a trip or shoot discouraging advice.

The Advice That Changed Everything

If you’re reading this and feeling stuck—the first thing I would advise you to do is look at your circle of influence. Take a moment, stop and ask if the people around you are giving you good advice that fits your path or good advice that fits their path. Are you tied down by opinions and advice from people who aren’t living the kind of life you want—let me share what’s worked for me:

Stop asking for permission. Fuck them. Fuck them all. Explore every idea. Even if it fails, you’ll be further ahead than the person who never tried.Seek advice only from builders. If someone isn’t actively producing, creating, or building something meaningful, their perspective will not apply to you. They might be playing it safe. Even if they owned a business before and it crashed and burned…. or they spent and lost money working on a film … it absolutely doesn’t mean YOU will. I said it before, I wrote it into Self-Rising Flower, “Life is prescribed to us individually” – life and meds for one person will not affect or work for you.Understand failure for what it is: proof you’re trying. None of my setbacks have ever been a reason to stop. In fact, coming out the gate with my first finished short film and being selected for film festivals is from my private film school of previous failures. Producing this forthcoming animation is a masterclass of what I did wrong prior.What Happens When You Don’t Try

Over 25 years ago, I was in a rough place in New York mentally and emotionally, and thought about moving to California to break into the film industry. I didn’t know anyone there, but something in me said to go. Instead, I shared my idea with a friend (Natalie), who spent hours convincing me it wouldn’t work. I let her talk me out of it, and I never went.

To this day, that moment haunts me—not because I didn’t try, but because I’ll never know what might’ve been.

Anything untried is a guaranteed failure. The fear of the unknown is nothing compared to the regret of never exploring it. Let me tell you: I have a whole Titanic boat load of regret of untried ideas. Especially when you see some of them produced/developed over time and making actually money.

Does It Get Lonely?

Sometimes, I wonder if I miss having more family and friends around. But then I think about my wife and my kids—my legacy. They’re who matter most.

And when I consider the life I’m building for them and for myself, the loss of a few relationships feels like a small price to pay for the freedom to pursue my dreams. Let me tell you: Predawn put me in so much debt, it’s laughable. I swear to you…I don’t regret a goddamn dime I still owe. Not one. No more than the friends and family traveling to distant countries and needing to work multiple shifts to pay it off. No regrets. They are living their life.

I just wish most of them understood I was living mine.

Fuck ’em.

To anyone reading this: don’t let others steer your life.

Be bold enough to dream and brave enough to try. The life you want is waiting for you to create it—one idea, one step, one leap of faith at a time.

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