A Perfect Question
Years ago, my son Josh said something that I found humorous but also profound. “When I grow up,” he said. “I want to be on a football team.” This wasn’t the profundity, of course, but then he asked me if I thought he could do that. I replied, telling him that I hoped that he would be able to do all of the things he wanted for himself when he grew up. After a moment, he turned to me again and, this time, asked, “What are you going to be when you grow up?” I, of course, explained that I was already grown up. Without missing a beat, he pointedly and with genuine curiosity, asked: “So what are you?”
What a perfect question.
We are in a brand new year. New energy, new opportunities, new possibilities, and an entirely new you waiting to be unfolded. The new year is typically a time in which we all catch the collective energy of new beginnings and use this opportunity to begin anything we choose. Goals, intentions, plans, promises. These things are wonderful and exciting, paving the wave for so much growth and many blessings. But, many of us forget to really examine the type of growth and the kind of blessings we are drawing in.
Before you get to manifesting all this newness, I’ll ask you what Josh asked of me:
What are you?
Who are you? Who do you want to be? That may seem broad and existential, but it’s a very important question to ask, especially if you’re going to craft your next evolution. A simple way of investigating yourself is by starting with what you like—and don’t like—about yourself. What are your strengths? What are your weaknesses? Take a moment now to create a list of each. In one column, write down all the qualities within yourself that you are proud of, and in the other, write down all the qualities that you wish would disappear. Good.
Now, switch them.
That’s right. Put all of your perceived strengths under the weakness column and all of your perceived weaknesses under the strength column. How does that feel? My guess is confusing, frustrating, uncomfortable… But imagine for a moment how one of your weaknesses could actually be a dormant positive and, conversely, how one of your strengths could be holding you back. For instance, I’m independent and competent. But those “strengths” can actually keep me from asking for help. Thereby, people often think that I’m so strong that nothing hurts me when that couldn’t be further from the truth.
This self-awareness is crucial when we’re setting New Year’s goals and intentions. By taking this kind of thoughtful inventory of our traits, we can create goals that align with our authentic selves, leveraging our strengths and addressing areas for improvement. This intentional approach will help ensure that our goals are both meaningful and realistically attainable, setting the stage for a fulfilling year ahead.
Understanding our strengths and weaknesses is like seeing ourselves in a well-lit mirror—it clarifies who we truly are. Each strength carries potential challenges, and every weakness holds an opportunity for growth. For instance, passion might lead to incredible creativity but also risk overwhelming others, while caution can protect us but sometimes hold us back from taking risks. Recognizing our dualities allows us to approach life with more balance and self-compassion.
The kabbalists teach that this world is called Olam Hafuch which means “an upside-down world.” The things that are important to us turn out to be not really that important. The things that are not immediately important to us are usually the most important. The things that worry us, that bring us anxiety, that stoke our fears… they are almost always illusions.
This kind of inventory is challenging because many beliefs that have been long held, and hidden away, will come to light and begin to transform. This is rarely an easy process but one that promises new perspectives—a requirement for the manifestation of any new experience. As you look to your goals for the New Year, ask yourself who they are for and why.
Are your goals in service to your most authentic self, or are they a list of should-wants?
Are you clinging to a current “strength” that no longer fulfills you?
Are you ready to face a fear and reveal its illusion?
What—and who—do you really want to be?
Approach this task without judgment and, instead, with curiosity. Kabbalah teaches that our purpose in this world is to change our nature by getting uncomfortable, getting curious, and embracing change. This exercise leads to all three.
The New Year may have already arrived, but this inquiry and inventory will serve you throughout the year. Examine your strengths and weaknesses without judgment. Is there positivity in one of your perceived weaknesses? Is one of your strengths keeping you set in your ways? If so, choose a few actions for each item that will help you to go against your nature. Then, watch the most expressed, transformational version of you unfold—the you that you actually are.
