When “Ghosted” Rely on the Holy Ghost
To be “ghosted” by someone is to end all contact without warning or explanation. Every pastor (who has been in church life for very long) knows the hurt that accompanies this response by parishioners. It’s disheartening when a pastor invests in a family’s life; been beside them in some of their most difficult circumstances and then the family leaves the church. Usually this occurs over a minor issue, that is, if the pastor ever discovers the true reason for the hasty exit.
Such “ghosting” is not limited to the wandering sheep of the pastor’s flock. Pastors have been “ghosted” by their district superintendent. They hear from their leader only if their church has failed to pay their apportionments, if at all. Denominational leaders ghost pastors too. Don’t return calls. Hedge on the truth. Are less than forthright. It happens.
Disappointment in people (whether lay people or denominational leaders) is part and parcel with life in the ministry. People are people. They are broken. They sin. They lie. They go on social media with such nonsense. It hurts. It’s not new. Disappointment in people’s decisions have been around since Adam and Eve first grabbed the forbidden fruit in the garden. Still it hurts when people behave in such ways. The knife cuts even deeper when the hurt comes from people one has loved and respected.
Dismayed by such “ghosting,” often pastors feel all alone. As it happens again and again, this disappointment in lay people coupled with indifference from leadership has led many pastors to throw up their hands and quit. Ironically, when the pastor walks away, lay people and church leaders then attribute the minister’s exit to “burn out.” Failing to recognize that their ghosting silence and indifference led to the pastor’s demise. All this to say, it’s tough being a pastor these days.
To the laypeople and church leaders reading this: Don’t neglect the local pastor. Their job is immense. It’s hard. They are on the front lines of the Enemy’s attack. They need cheerleaders not mudslingers. They need people they can count on– that have the pastor’s back, not those who will put a knife in it. They need encouragement, not silence.
To the pastor’s reading this, you’d expect me to quote Jesus words that He will never leave you or forsake you. That’s true, but you already know that. Maybe you’d think I would remind you to keep your eyes on Jesus and not people. That’s also true, but I surmise you already know that too. Here’s my word for the disheartened and discouraged: You are not alone. You are not the only one who feels the way you feel. I’ve been there. All good pastors have been there. Press on. Don’t quit. Love those sheep who have stayed. Pray for those who have left and the clueless leaders who do not understand your plight.
Maybe what’s needed most is this: Grab a cup of coffee at an out-of-the-way shop. Read a novel. Take a nap. My prayer for all of us (Church leaders, pastors, lay people) is Paul’s prayer for the Roman Church (in King James English): Now the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that ye may abound in hope, through the power of the Holy Ghost. Romans 15:13 KJV. Allow the Holy Ghost to renew your “ghosted” and heavy heart.
(Edited to read: To my dear friends at Central Church who might be reading this, we have so many encouragers at our church! If every pastor had parishioners like Central Church there would be far less walking away! Thanks for your love and generosity).
