Your Inner Critic Makes Community Miserable – Vella Karman

Did you watch Inside Out 2?

The best part of the whole movie is the scene where Riley is self-conscious about her arms swinging while she walks.

She tries a bunch of different things with her hands, but no matter what she does, her inner critic (represented by the emotion Anxiety), points out how awkward or weird it is.

The critique finally ends when she puts her hands in her pockets and tunes into the conversation. She realizes everyone is laughing and she has no clue what they’re laughing about.

She missed out on the fun because of her inner critic.

Your inner critic is attacking your community.

Our inner critic attacks way more than just what we’re doing with our physical bodies. When I’m vulnerable, it’s usually followed by a swarm of critiquing thoughts in my head. You probably shouldn’t have said that. She really didn’t want to know. You should’ve kept that to yourself. You’re a burden. You should do something for her to make up for it.

When I try to include myself, I hear more lies. They don’t really want you here. You’re intruding.

When something upsets me, my inner critic often tells me not to hash it out with people. You shouldn’t be offended by that. It’s your fault anyways. You’re a bad friend.

When I stay late, I hear that I should’ve gone home and worked on something productive. When I leave early, I hear that I don’t spend enough time with other people and community takes work.

No matter what I do, my inner critic will critique it.

Your inner critic makes community miserable.

Your inner critic makes community miserable. It’s true.

If you want to test yourself, think about this: when’s the last time you answered the question “how are you” honestly?

Why does our entire society lie when someone asks this? Sure, we’re scared of vulnerability. But the inner critic has its part to play, too. They don’t really want to know. You’re oversharing. You should stop talking about yourself and ask how they’re doing. It’s all part of your inner critic’s ruse.

Your inner critic is lying to you.

Okay, I can be cynical, but I don’t want to be. So I’m gonna ignore cynicism and trust that you’re tracking with me.

Other people care about you. That’s true.

The biggest lie that your inner critic feeds off of is that you’re not already loved.

If you believe in the deepest part of your heart that you’re completely loved and loveable just as you are, it doesn’t matter if your arms swing weirdly when you walk or you stay fifteen minutes late or leave fifteen minutes early. It’s no big deal. It’s low stakes.

Your mistakes (even when you make big ones) don’t matter because you don’t need to prove yourself. Your inner critic is trying to make you operate out of a place of trying to be enough, trying to earn love. A place where your worth is threatened by little critiques.

This is the place where perfectionism and anxiety thrive.

And this is the place where Jesus can change everything.

Because the truth is, God is love. And he completely and utterly loves us beyond what we can understand or imagine.

He created us for community and he wants us to enjoy it. Since your inner critic makes community miserable, it’s time to banish it.

And if you want to conquer other fears and awkwardnesses that stand between you and belonging, join my email list and we can find a way to belong together. I’m cheering you on. 🙂

Vella Karman loves God, people, and stories. Her writing has been read in more than 30 countries so far and she aspires to write raw, impactful stories that spread light and belonging across the world.

Read more at vellakarman.com or follow @vellakarmanauthor on Instagram to connect!

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