When Your Inner Critic Says Don’t—Do! Guest post by C.K. Slorra

I don’t know about you, but my inner critic loves to downplay accomplishments and up-play undertakings until the simplest task looks impossible.

Last month, I passed a yellow belt test—big whoop. I’ve been training for about a decade. What’s the big deal?

The big deal is that three months earlier, my IT band was shot. I couldn’t move my knee without it sounding like a rice crispy treat. Somehow, I had to go from crippled to passing a physical with 500 front kicks, a 2-mile bike ride, and other rigors. It seemed impossible.

You might ask why it even mattered. Why do I need a belt when I have the experience to prove myself? It mattered for the same reason doing hard things matters for you.

If I never push myself, I’ll never achieve my goals.

What hard thing is standing in your path? Maybe it’s publishing a book or short story. Maybe it’s starting a blog. Or maybe it’s telling your family you’re an author.

Whatever it is, what do you do when it stares you dead in the eyes?

Do you freeze? “I don’t know what I’m doing”

 procrastinate? “I’ll work on something else right now”

 quit? “I’d never make it anyway”

 rationalize? “My disabilities are more debilitating than other people’s”

 despair? “Why is everyone else so good at everything?”

Window of Tolerance

            The window of tolerance is “the optimal zone for (transformative) learning: it is still possible to experience unpleasant emotions and connected arousals of the SNS but these emotions can be regulated, leading to recovery,” (Singer-Brodowski, 2022). If you get too caught up on the details and what-ifs, you fly out of the window of tolerance and into anxiety-land. If you get too down on yourself about rejection, failure, etc. you sink into the bottomless pit of depression.

            Maybe you don’t know what you’re doing, but if you never try, you’ll never learn. If you never do hard things, your window of tolerance will shrink and shrink and shrink until a bad review or nasty comment will ruin your week.

            Similarly, if you never challenge yourself, your ability to make the hard choices will dwindle and die (Muraven & Baumeister, 2000).

Free Ways to Increase Your Window of Tolerance

            You don’t want to live in a strangling box of tolerance, but goals are scary! If you go flying into the anxiety ether or plummeting into the depression abyss, you’ll give up on goals altogether. Here are three ways to expand your window of tolerance.

1. Start small

            If you want to get your sixty-thousand-word manuscript complete, start with a small goal. “Today, I’m going to outline my novel.” We talked about setting SMART goals a few months ago, so I won’t belabor the point here, but you need to set an attainable goal that spurs you toward freedom and accomplishment.

2. Don’t quit.

Noodles… don’t noodles.

Before you quit, take some time to breathe and scan your body. I’ve seen stress held inside the body anywhere from curled toes to throbbing headaches and everywhere in between. Take five or ten minutes to do deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation.

Deep breathing should come in through the nose and out through the mouth either in a 6-4 second ratio or 4-4-4-4 (in, hold, out, hold, repeat).

[image error]Meanwhile, progressive muscle relaxation tenses one spot at a time, moving from your toes up to your calves, thighs, etc. etc.

Fun Fact:
Saliva indicates your digestive system is online. The sympathetic nervous system (fight/flight system) turns the digestive system off. Thus, if you’re producing saliva, you are inside your window of tolerance.

Once you can do a body scan and notice the tension has gone down, look at the problem again and see if it seems any different now. Maybe your disabilities or setbacks are bigger than you know how to handle, but by pressing on, you’ve already tamed the beast, even if just for a moment.

3. Finally, Worry Less.

“Gee, thanks. I hadn’t thought of that.”

Ok, ok. I earned that. In all seriousness, we’ve been made with an incredible mind that is capable of far more than we give it credit for. I knew a girl who had a chuck of her brain removed because of cancer and most of it REGREW. How amazing is that?!

So, if our brain can regrow portions, we can carve some more healthy thinking pathways.

We can IMPROVE.

Imagine a place away from your worries. Find meaning that gives insight into your life or how to help someone else. Pray in acceptance of what you cannot control and request discernment for pressing forward. Pick a quiet place to practice something that relaxes you (i.e. breathing or the leaves technique we covered in the last article). Focus on one thing—something that is simple but takes your full attention like memorizing scripture, organizing a space, or saying the ABCs backward. Stand up and take a miniature vacation—nothing grand, just switch up the environment and try something fresh or fun. Finally, encourage yourself. If you need encouragement, be that cheerleader! “I’m resourceful,” “I’ve been through harder,” “I am enough as I am.”

When you want to envy how everyone else will be more successful than you, try one or more of the IMPROVE tasks.

Time to Practice

If you want to conquer your inner critic and write a story worth sharing, you need to expand your window of tolerance by doing hard things.

It may seem daunting, but you can do it. You don’t have to kill yourself to expand your comfort zone. Whether you’re making a SMART goal, monitoring and regulating your body, taking control of your thoughts with a prayer stone, or doing some mixture of each, you have resources to hold your hand.

You can do this. Do hard things!

C.K. Slorra is an author from South Carolina with a passion for clinical psychology, philosophy, and fantasy. She enjoys spending time in the great outdoors with her husband, Sam, and her three rambunctious dogs.

As an author, C.K. Slorra seeks to reshape the industry standard for YA Action Fantasy by providing something deeper than erotica and cliches: truth, depth, and experiential fight scenes.

Follow C.K. Slorra at her website or instagram!

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