Fifty Shades Shadier - Chapter Twenty

That revelation presents a major problem for me, as Chris, Annie, Kazuko, and I all say in unison, "What?"



"I'm pregnant," Bea repeats.

"That's nice Bea, but I'm sterile. I had a vasectomy last March," I respond, trying to suppress my anger and confusion.

"I know."

"You know?"

"Yes. The four fluids; remember?"



I turn my attention to Chris, as does Annie.



"Don't look at me," Chris professes while raising his hands.

"It's not yours either, asshole," Bea assures him.

Whoa, Bea swore.

"Thank God," Chris responds, while wiping his brow.


"Wait a minute, then whose is it?" I ask.

Jesus. There's yet another ex I need to deal with?

"I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I used a sperm donor. Mormon, this was before we met. I didn't want to bring it up and scare you away."

"Yeah, well, guess what? I'm not scared. Oh," I turn toward Chris, "and she's right, you are an asshole."



Chris raises his big mitt to my throat again. Instantly, Kazuko springs to action, stands between us, and pushes Chris back. She's so tiny; she barely comes up to his chest.



"Touch him again and prepare to die," Kazuko threatens. Chris has no idea what to make of her as he lets go of my throat.

"Fuck you, old woman. I'll beat your ass too."

"Try it," Kazuko dares as she digs into her pocket.

What will it be? Nunchucks? A Throwing Star?



Kazuko pulls out a Marlboro and a lighter as we all watch, trying to understand what this crazy woman is up to. She lights the tip and takes a long drag--making the tip glow bright orange. She blows the smoke in his face and changes her grip on the cigarette, holding it like a knife. Chris goes pale gray, then white. He screams a guttural cry, turns, and runs out like frightened cat. Annie shrugs and follows him.



"What the ..."

"You don't want to know," insists Bea.

Pussy.



I step over Bea's mess and console her.



"Baby, are you OK?"

"Just queasy. You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad? I love you, Bea--every inch, every toy, every passenger. If you are considering me for the role of parent to your child, I'm honored."

"Of course! It would be our child. I love so you much, Daddy Mormon," she cries as she hugs and tries to kiss me.

"Um, yeah, I love you back. Now," I respond as I pull away a bit, "let's get you some Listerine, and then we'll have that kiss. Cool?"

"Cool."



Love draws us along a twisted path, with unexpected obstacles, leading to beautiful new pastures. There's no one I'd rather share this trip with than my Lovergirl.




THE MIDDLE.