Give my books a read and a review!
What the Christmas shit is happening, all you eager-beaver-receivers of beautifully wrapped presents who wake up extra early to see if you can spot Santa, only to discover a festive-colored, green-and-red, candy-cane-striped shit on the empty plate which once held your customary tribute of cookies, the feces is still wreathed in goddamn steam, which means—aHA!—you spot his ass poking from the bottom of the chimney, you run up as he booms, “HO HO H—FUCK!” because you’ve just grabbed his ankle, he shoots a Batman-style grapnel gun onto the skid of his sky-high sleigh, both of you go rocketing skyward and engage in a thrilling, 80s-action-movie-style fight where he tries to kick you in the face but you fend him off and climb up his pants, now you’re clinging to his corpulent torso where you feel a range of emergency equipment beneath his jacket, you reach inside, fish out a flare, crack it open, FSSSHHHH, then whisper in his ear, “Deck the halls, bitch…” before yanking down his pants, jamming it into his wind-reddened ass, and declaring, “with your motherfucking GUTS!” His eyes widen and he screams, “You unbelievable BASTA—” but you’ve already let go and spread your limbs so you can surf through the air, right as the flare explodes (for no good reason) and paints the air with Santa’s organs, you plunge into a drift of massive snow and start laughing like crazy so you can uphold the glorious 80s-action-movie format where the macho-ass hero breaks out in mirth after an improbably violent series of events—
Good lord! Why the hell would you sodomize Santa with an incendiary device, then laugh at him when it detonates in a ridiculously gruesome fashion? That’s a GIANT overreaction to someone shitting on a plate!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm. Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. I’ve just published volume 2: Weapons of Old If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing
