In Troubled Times: Bouncing Off the Bottom
Following the 2016 election, I wrote a series called In Troubled Times. It seems appropriate to post these again now
Last week I had a meltdown. It did not take the form oftears, irritability, or burning pots of
vegetables (as I am wont to do when Iam upset and distracted). Instead, a horrible doomsday scenario popped into mymind and I could not talk myself out of it. Normally I’m not given to imaginingworst-case no-hope futures. I try to keep in mind that no matter how distraughtI am at any given moment, whatever is bothering me will not last forever. (Thisgoes for good times, too. All life is impermanent.) This time, however, thedreadful sequence had taken hold and would not be dislodged.
So I did what I have been advised to do about otherproblems. I put my nightmare out there and asked folks what they thought. Ioften joke that we muddle along because we’re not all crazy on the same day. Ifigured that even though my brains had taken a sharp turn to crazyland, therewere some saner people out there. Some agreed with me, others had their owndire forebodings, and still more had confidence that wiser heads would prevail.
After I’d calmed down, I had a serious moment of “What gotinto me?” I admit that I was a little embarrassed at losing it, especially insuch a public way. I tried to make light of the situation by joking that alienshad eaten my brains (one of my stock explanations for moments of temporaryinsanity).
Then I remembered to be kind to myself. No harm had beendone, after all, except to the illusion that I am always calm and rational.That’s a good illusion to shatter now and again for fear of being insufferable.Through painful experience, I’ve learned the importance of getting friendlywith things that upset or frighten me. What if my lapse were doing me a favorand what might it teach me?
Once I got some distance from the moment of panic, Irealized that I’d been expecting myself to progress in a straight, continuousmanner. No backsliding or side tracks. No relapses. Recovery sometimes workslike that, but more often it’s full of slips and detours, three steps sidewaysto every step forward. Just as when an alcoholic or addict “hits bottom” beforethey are ready to make substantial changes in their attitudes and lives, going“off the deep end” was a wake-up call for me. I saw then that I had beenstressed by more than the political situation. We have two sick or injuredpets, one of whom will likely not recover and will have to be euthanized.Several other challenging events have occurred that, taken singly, would bemanageable, but all together on top ofeverything else pushed me off-center.
I’m grateful to the friends who offered sage (andnot-so-sage) comments and thereby helped me to gain perspective on my owncondition. I’m incredibly annoyed that the universe ganged up on me in so manyways all at once. I’m also appreciative of the experiences I’ve had (good, bad,insane) over the years that have shown me I am not invincible but that if I amwilling to ask for help (and then take it), I am resilient and resourceful. Ivalue everyone and everything in my life that helps me to keep my prioritiesstraight.
Last week I had a meltdown. It did not take the form oftears, irritability, or burning pots of
vegetables (as I am wont to do when Iam upset and distracted). Instead, a horrible doomsday scenario popped into mymind and I could not talk myself out of it. Normally I’m not given to imaginingworst-case no-hope futures. I try to keep in mind that no matter how distraughtI am at any given moment, whatever is bothering me will not last forever. (Thisgoes for good times, too. All life is impermanent.) This time, however, thedreadful sequence had taken hold and would not be dislodged.So I did what I have been advised to do about otherproblems. I put my nightmare out there and asked folks what they thought. Ioften joke that we muddle along because we’re not all crazy on the same day. Ifigured that even though my brains had taken a sharp turn to crazyland, therewere some saner people out there. Some agreed with me, others had their owndire forebodings, and still more had confidence that wiser heads would prevail.
After I’d calmed down, I had a serious moment of “What gotinto me?” I admit that I was a little embarrassed at losing it, especially insuch a public way. I tried to make light of the situation by joking that alienshad eaten my brains (one of my stock explanations for moments of temporaryinsanity).
Then I remembered to be kind to myself. No harm had beendone, after all, except to the illusion that I am always calm and rational.That’s a good illusion to shatter now and again for fear of being insufferable.Through painful experience, I’ve learned the importance of getting friendlywith things that upset or frighten me. What if my lapse were doing me a favorand what might it teach me?
Once I got some distance from the moment of panic, Irealized that I’d been expecting myself to progress in a straight, continuousmanner. No backsliding or side tracks. No relapses. Recovery sometimes workslike that, but more often it’s full of slips and detours, three steps sidewaysto every step forward. Just as when an alcoholic or addict “hits bottom” beforethey are ready to make substantial changes in their attitudes and lives, going“off the deep end” was a wake-up call for me. I saw then that I had beenstressed by more than the political situation. We have two sick or injuredpets, one of whom will likely not recover and will have to be euthanized.Several other challenging events have occurred that, taken singly, would bemanageable, but all together on top ofeverything else pushed me off-center.
I’m grateful to the friends who offered sage (andnot-so-sage) comments and thereby helped me to gain perspective on my owncondition. I’m incredibly annoyed that the universe ganged up on me in so manyways all at once. I’m also appreciative of the experiences I’ve had (good, bad,insane) over the years that have shown me I am not invincible but that if I amwilling to ask for help (and then take it), I am resilient and resourceful. Ivalue everyone and everything in my life that helps me to keep my prioritiesstraight.
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