Cushioning

As I was sitting on the beach enjoying the sunshine, I read this article that definitely caught my interest. I’d never heard the term before and tried to remember if I’d ever read a book where this particular concept came into play. So…anyway…what is Cushioning for those of you who also have never heard this term before. Basically, it’s a kind of plan B for relationships. A person might be married or have a girlfriend, but develops an emotional bond with someone else. Occasionally, they might take that relationship to the next level, starting an affair, but not necessarily. Many actually wait until their current marriage or relationship falls apart to jump in with both feet with their side friendship. It is also known as backburning. Cushioning can be the next level rebound relationship, and I suspect perhaps might even lead to a new marriage or new lasting relationship. That got me to thinking about how this trend is so aligned with the world we live in. More and more we are a throw away society, always looking to upgrade or buy the next best thing. Apparently, this happens a lot more than we think! For some, cushioning is extremely calculating because those involved are developing those relationships for the sole purpose of having a replacement, once their current relationship falls apart. For others, it happens subconsciously.

In reality, the most important thing I took from this article was that Cushioning often originates from a place of insecurity, or underlying feelings of dissatisfaction in their current relationship. If people are Cushioning it’s good to ask why that outside validation and new emotional relationship is needed. If the person is not getting their needs met and it’s distracting them from acknowledging the disconnect from their partner, then the key question is whether the person wants to refocus on their primary relationship. By focusing on those questions, a person can figure out if they want to remain in that relationship and communicate with their partner versus going outside the boundaries. Successful couples turn their focus inward, not outward. On the other hand, sometimes a relationship should end, especially if the efforts are one-sided or there is abuse.

I got to thinking about my book, Sculpting Her Heart, and wondered if maybe Frankie was engaging in a form of cushioning with Zari…subconsciously, of course. For the record there was definitely no infidelity in play. Plus, the relationship absolutely needed to end with her selfish current girlfriend…so more power to her for cushioning! Feel free to check that book out or any of my other romances! You know the drill, just click the links below.

Pleasure Workers – Audible