a shitload of rabbits

KODAK Digital Still Camera

i can’t figure out if i’m procrastinating
or processing…grieving?
healing?
just plain coping maybe
doodling rabbits soothes my rabid brain
holidays are hard for me
motherhood is hard on me
being a thoroughly unsuccessful writer & artist breaks my heart
being alone (so fucking alone) makes me want to die….
on top of that
today is my dead brother’s birthday

16 years ago today was the last day i talked to him
19 days later
he was dead
he had been subpoenaed to testify about rigged elections & missing white house emails
then his single engine plane crashed as he flew home to ohio from dc….
& now i only see him in my dreams.