Unacceptable theater behavior

Later today, the family and I will journey to the movie theater to see Moana 2.

A new survey asked Americans about potentially divisive behaviors in a movie theater.

The results are disturbing.

Video chat on their phone4% approve90% disapproveTalk on their phone6% approve88% disapproveTalk at a regular volume with someone during the movie11% approve81% disapproveBring a child under age 320% approve54% disapproveText on their phone during the movie36% approve50% disapprove

While the majority of Americans agree with me on all points, the movie theater is a special place where only one idiot can ruin everyone else’s experience.

So the fact that 4% of respondents think video chatting on the phone during a movie is okay, 20% believe that it’s acceptable to bring a child under the age of three, and  36% are fine with texting during a movie is upsetting because just one of these idiots can ruin the movie for an entire theater.

Who are these people?
Why are these people?

What are these bottom-of-the-barrel, scum-dwelling, tiny-brained monsters thinking when they say it’s fine to place a video call during a movie?

Sadly, Americans and I disagree with the one solution — absent cellphone jamming technology — that exists:

Yell at a stranger violating theater etiquette17% approve65% disapprovePerhaps not yelling because volume never constitutes an argument, but maybea subtle scolding?