embracing my true self…

so i was watching rewilding with sabrina lynn this morning
she was on about what the planets are doing & finding your true center
she also spent a lot of time selling herself
for a price i could not afford
i have $40 in my bank account & just maxed out my citibank card…
i almost had no money in my bank account because a subscription to national geographic kids that i got for my kids like 2 or 3 years ago has apparently been re-subscribing itself every year, this year taking my last $40 from my bank account just when i needed to go to the grocery store to buy thanksgiving bullshit….
which means i had to call them up & yell at some nice woman who was just doing her job….
but i got my 40 bucks back
so, no, sabrina of rewilding…i cannot afford $59 a month to find my true center.
fuck.
i know, she’s just doing her job…but still…why does it always come down to money?
& that leaves me alone
on my own
to find my true center…
& this is what i got:
from what i know of me, my true self is angry & bitter & just wanting to be loved.
to be validated.
maybe even to be accepted for my angry bitter self.

i probably don’t need to “rewild” after all…i’m pretty fucking feral as it is.