How to Break the Habit of Self-Criticism: A Journey of Kindness

I’ve learned much about self—compassion— not just through books or courses, but through my daily experiences with him. One of the lessons I never expected to learn came from a simple moment: a painting.

It was one of those evenings when my son, filled with energy and excitement, decided to paint a “superhero” in his usual style—no boundaries, just creativity flowing from his hands. He ran up to me, holding his masterpiece. “What do you think, Mama?” he asked, eagerly awaiting my response.

I’ll admit, the painting wasn’t what you’d call “traditional art.” The figure had squiggly arms, a round body, and a wobbly cape. It wasn’t perfect. My instinct was to point that out. After all, don’t we all try to correct imperfections?

But then I paused.

Instead of focusing on how “imperfect” his painting seemed, I remembered something I’d always encouraged him to do—express himself freely, without fearing judgment. This was his unique creation, perfect for him at that moment. So, instead of offering a critique, I smiled and said, “I love how creative this is!”

What happened next was unexpected. He beamed with pride and suggested, “Let’s paint together!” And just like that, we spent the next hour creating stories around his superhero, painting together, and laughing. It wasn’t about getting it “right” or achieving some end result. It was about the process.

That evening, I learned an important lesson—not just about encouraging my son, but about treating myself. We, as adults, often carry a heavy weight of self-criticism. We judge ourselves constantly: our appearance, our work, our parenting. I know I’m guilty of it. But what if we treated ourselves with the same kindness we show children? What if we encouraged ourselves as gently as we encourage our kids?

Here’s where the shift began for me.

I realized self-compassion isn’t about ignoring mistakes or pretending we don’t have room to improve. It’s about how we approach those imperfections. Do we blister ourselves or approach our mistakes with curiosity and kindness?

This shift in perspective is more powerful than we realize. When we stop the constant self-criticism, we free ourselves to explore, grow, and embrace the process, just as my son embraced his painting. Instead of trying to be “perfect,” we focus on progress. Instead of hiding behind the fear of failure, we begin to act confidently, knowing that growth is about learning from each step and misstep. 

How to Break Your Habit of Self-Criticism 

If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the cycle of self-criticism, here are a few simple yet powerful steps to help break the habit: 

Pause and Breathe: The next time you catch yourself overly critical, take a deep breath. Pause. Allow yourself to step back and look at the situation objectively. What would you say to a child with the same problem? How would you encourage them? Shift the Focus to Growth: Instead of focusing on what went “wrong,” ask yourself, What did I learn from this? We all grow through practice, like a child learning to tie their shoes or navigate their first soccer game. Celebrate Small Wins: It’s easy to overlook progress, especially when caught up in perfectionism. Celebrate the small steps you take each day. Acknowledge your efforts and the positive intentions behind them. Speak Kindly to Yourself: Treat yourself with the same love and understanding you show others. Try replacing your inner critic with a supportive voice that encourages you through challenges. For example, instead of saying, “I messed up again,” try, “I’m learning, and I’ll get better with time.” Create Without the Fear of Judgment: Just like my son with his painting, allow yourself to create, work, and live without the constant need for validation. Let go of the pressure to make it perfect, whether it’s a project, a hobby, or something personal. The process is what matters most. Surround Yourself with Support: Just as my son encouraged me to join him in painting, seek out people who uplift you. Surround yourself with those who remind you of your worth and help you focus on your strengths, not just your flaws. 

The Power of Compassionate Action 

In my journey as a mother and a mental health professional, I’ve come to understand that self-compassion isn’t about ignoring our shortcomings. It’s about embracing the human experience—the messy, imperfect, yet beautiful growth journey.

We don’t have to be perfect to be enough. We don’t have to “fix” ourselves to be worthy. Embrace the process, forgive the mistakes, and celebrate the steps you take toward becoming the best version of yourself. Just like a child painting without fear, you, too, can create your life with kindness and confidence.

So, next time you catch yourself in the trap of self-criticism, ask yourself: How would I treat a child? And then, be as kind and encouraging to yourself as you would be to them. 

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Remember, we’re all a work in progress—and that’s perfectly okay.

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Recommended Products for Building Self-Compassion:Self-Compassion Books: “Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself” by Kristin Neff – This book provides valuable insights into self-compassion and practical ways to incorporate it into your daily life. “The Self-Compassion Workbook” by Joy Johnson – A practical workbook with exercises to guide you through self-compassion practices.Journals for Reflection: Gratitude Journal – A journal designed explicitly for cultivating positive thinking and self-compassion. Writing daily entries about what you’re grateful for encourages a mindset of self-kindness and reduces self-critical thoughts. Mindfulness Journals – These journals encourage mindful exploration of your emotions, thoughts, and actions, supporting awareness and the transformation of self-critical patterns.Guided Meditation & Mindfulness Audio Programs: Guided Self-Compassion Meditations – Look for audio programs that provide soothing, guided sessions to help you develop a kinder inner voice. Mindfulness and Meditation Apps – Apps like Headspace or Calm often have specific self-compassion meditations to help you quiet your inner critic.Creative Art Supplies: Adult Coloring Books – Engaging in creative activities like colouring can be a fantastic way to express your emotions and shift your focus from negative self-talk to relaxation and creative expression. Art Therapy Supplies – Try experimenting with acrylic paints or sketchbooks for self-expression without judgment, helping to reduce the impact of self-critical thoughts.

Incorporating such tools into your routine can be a great way to actively practice self-compassion and challenge self-critical tendencies.