Why You Can’t Say No at Work

Does it feel like you can’t ever say “no” to new assignments, additional tasks, or doing just “one small favor” for a colleague? Are you the yes person that your team members know they can count on to take one for the team? It might seem like the path to fame and glory, but it’s often just the opposite. If you’re going to learn not to default to yes, it’s essential to understand why you think you can’t say “no.”

What Makes You Say “Yes” When You Shoudn’t?

I will leave the discussion of the importance of staying focused for another post. For the moment, I ask you to trust me that if you aren’t frequently saying “ no,” you’re probably doing too much.

The question for today is why. Why am I like this? Why can’t I say no?

There are probably as many answers as there are people, but here are the common profiles I see.

Too Conscientious

You know the work needs to be done and that someone’s got to do it. You probably feel this obligation more strongly than your peers, so you’re the first to say “yes.”

If this is you, consider the following:

Will taking on this new task make it less likely that you’ll deliver your existing commitments on time and with high quality? If so, would the conscientious thing be to say “not yet” or “not me?”What is the risk of you burning out and being unable to do the job people are counting on you for?

Being conscientious is a strength that can become an over-strength. Before you say “yes” to something new, ensure it won’t compromise your reputation as someone who delivers.

Too Curious

You are intrigued by the work and don’t want to miss the opportunity to learn something new. You would have major FOMO if someone else got to explore and play in this exciting new space.

If this is you, consider the following:

Is this the right moment to learn something new? Do I already have opportunities to learn and grow with the commitments I’ve already made?What is the risk that taking on one more thing will make everything less interesting and fun because your attention is diluted across multiple topics?

Being curious is fabulous until it has you chasing squirrels. Before you say “yes” to that sparkly new project, consider whether you could get most of the learning without doing the heavy lifting yourself.

Too Caring

You are more concerned with rescuing your colleague than protecting yourself. You are empathetic and focused on reducing their workload rather than on its impact on your load.

If this is you, consider the following:

You’ve thought about your colleague’s burden, but have you been equally empathetic about your own workload? How would taking this on make you feel?What is the risk of you taking on more than you can handle and adversely impacting others who are counting on you, including your family?

Being caring and empathetic is your superpower but can also be your undoing. Before you say “yes” out of consideration for one person, consider whether that’s the right answer for you and others in the equation.

To this point, I’ve focused on strengths with a shadow side. But let’s be candid here: maybe you’re not taking on too much because of an over-strength. Perhaps it’s for less noble reasons.

Too Bored

You are uncomfortable doing the same thing for long and seek novelty and distraction. You are always open to what’s new and next, even when you haven’t completed your prior commitments.

If this is you, consider the following:

How will you be perceived if you develop a track record for dropping one task to jump to a sexy new one? Is the new one even sexy, or is it just novel?Where else could you find novelty in your life to reduce the burden on your job and provide the necessary stimulation? How might you apply your energy to finding new and better ways to do your existing tasks rather than seeking new ones?

Being energetic and change-ready is a strength—unless it gets to the point where you’re easily distracted and negligent in not getting things over the line. Is the novelty worth it?

Too Ambitious

You think the path to promotion means doing everything you’re asked and never missing an opportunity to show your stuff. You particularly relish a high-profile project and would rather work nights and weekends than let someone else get a plum assignment.

If this is you, consider the following:

How will you be perceived if you jump into the spotlight every time? Will adding this project to your resumé make you more appealing and promotable, or just more of a pariah with your colleagues?What could you do to earn attention for doing the right things and doing them well rather than trying to do everything?

Being ambitious is okay unless it comes at the cost of healthy relationships and opportunities for others. Is this project really your only chance to shine?

Too Social

You have never found a meeting you didn’t want to attend or a conversation you didn’t want to join. You accept every invite and ask to be included when you weren’t initially. You’re so busy meeting and talking that you risk getting nothing done.

If this is you, consider the following:

How will you be perceived if you’re a social butterfly who never lands? What’s the risk of getting a reputation for being everywhere but doing nothing?What could you do to find connection from sources that don’t interfere with your productivity?

Being social is wonderful until it becomes all talk and no action. Will missing one meeting, committee, or conversation really leave you on the outs?

Conclusion

If you’re going to tackle your “yes” problem, you first have to know why you can’t say “no.” Part of that is realizing that you can say “no,” you just choose not to because the way you’re framing the situation makes it feel like taking on one more thing is the right answer when sometimes it’s not.

Additional Resources

Is it time to start saying “no?”

5 Different Ways to Say No

Téa Angelos for Fast Company 6 Times You Should Say No at Work (and Exactly How to Do It)

 

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