The Right Attitude for Improving a Marriage
What’s the best way to make a marriage better?
Yesterday we were talking about how they key is to look inward, at our own hearts, and do what we can to stop being selfish.
During my devotions recently I came across this passage about asking for help, and I thought it was very apt. From The Word For You Today for May 24, it says:
When someone comes to you with a personal problem, ask them the following questions: What do you think caused the problem? What have you done about it? What Scriptures are you standing on? What do you think I might be able to do that you haven’t already done? These questions will help you weed out those who genuinely want help from those who only want attention. Some people see prayer as a magic wand; they think you can wave it over them and their problem will just go away, then they can go back to living their lives the way they please.
That’s harsh, I know. But it’s also true.
The passage is really written to those who are giving advice, but I think it applies to those of us who want answers to problems, too. When you’re in the midst of a relationship problem, ask yourself, what caused it? What can I do about it? What Scriptures do I believe about this?
This helps put the onus back on us to deal with the issue, rather than blaming someone else.
So let me use this as a warning when we’re asking advice from friends about problems.
A true friend will listen to you, but will not allow you to wallow in your sorrow. A true friend will remind you of the promises of Scripture; they won’t feed your anger. A true friend won’t bad mouth other people to you, and won’t intensify your bitterness. A true friend will point you through it.
If you’re walking through a hard time in your marriage, surround yourself with true friends. Our tendency, when we’re hurting, is to look for someone who will empathize with us and who will get all riled up on our behalf. But ultimately that isn’t helpful. It may make you feel temporarily better, but it doesn’t solve the problem or get to the heart of the problem.
Find someone who will ask, “what Scriptures are you standing on?” “What have you already done to make this better?” “What else do you think you could do?”
And find someone who will pray with you–not that your husband will come to his senses, but that God will use the situation to bring both of you closer to Him. That’s really more in line with what God wants, and that’s far more likely to bring big rewards for everyone.
If you’re wondering how to find such a friend, or even where to start, let me point you to Cheri Gregory’s PURSE-onality challenge that’s been happening all through the month of May. Her goal is to help people replace their “baditude” with God’s word and gratitude. When we do that, our marriages–and the rest of our relationships–will thrive! I really encourage you to see what Cheri’s writing. It’s not too late to start now!
Related posts:
Marital Success is a Matter of Attitude
Video: Intimacy in Marriage: How to Get There
What’s Your Attitude?
