Loneliness May Be Your Reality, But It Isn’t Your Destiny

You know how we are in the middle of a loneliness epidemic? As a gal who’s spent a good deal of time on both the military spouse and civilian sides of the fence, Kristen Strong knows what it is to experience loneliness in a variety of contexts. And whether through her writing or in person, she makes other women feel seen and welcomed. Kristen has linked arms with more than forty other word-wondrous writers (including my daughter and daughter-in-love who are both published (!!) in this new book!) to share stories of walking through loneliness in order to encourage you in your own story. More than once, I’ve told Kristen that she’s the world’s most encouraging woman, and it’s a grace to welcome her to the farm’s table today…

Guest Posy by Kristen Strong

Nine weeks pregnant with twins, I steadied myself as I sucked up all the air in my tiny bathroom when I drew in a sharp breath. After taking care of my pre-bedtime business, I turned around to flush, and that’s when I noticed the startling swirl of scarlet in the bowl.

I closed my eyes, hoping against hope that I’d imagined it. But upon opening my eyes again, I still saw the telltale sign of a problem.

I mentally Rolodexed who I could call for help and reassurance. My husband was out of town and, given the “top secret” nature of his job in the military at the time, I had no idea where he was, let alone a phone number for reaching him.

Also, this was the late ’90s, when texting didn’t exist. Furthermore, I lived eight hundred miles from any family. I did have a couple of local friends, but one of them was also out of town, and the other had a toddler to care for and a husband who was away.

I had a handful of acquaintances, but given the late hour, I felt like I couldn’t justify bothering anyone, friend or acquaintance.

“Well, God, I guess it’s just You and me,” I said to myself as I took off my pajamas, put on my clothes, and walked to the garage.

Alone and nervous about the welfare of my babies, I decided to go to the hospital.

As I drove to the emergency room, my loneliness overwhelmed me until tears made it difficult to drive.

“…on the way to the hospital when I held loneliness and fear rather than answers, I felt Jesus’ acute presence in a particularly powerful way.“

Had I felt lonely before this? Definitely. At that point, I’d been a military wife for about three and a half years. With a husband who frequently traveled, and a steep learning curve on how to make friends, I’d felt lonely more often than not.

But this time, my loneliness felt like a neon light, flashing at me from all directions. Terrified I was losing one or both babies, my sense of isolation intensified the fear, and vice versa.

After arriving at the ER and figuring out where to park, I hurried out of the car and slammed the door. I walked as quickly as I dared, willing my heartbeat to slow down. After what seemed an eternity, I reached the doors and walked into the ER. I checked in at the front desk and then a nurse took me back to a partitioned room and directed me to lie down on the bed. It took several agonizing minutes for her to hook me up to an ultrasound machine. And then came the music that no professional symphony orchestra could ever match: not one but two strong heartbeats.

I laid my head back on the pillow as relief flooded my body, and the stress poured out of my eyeballs.

The nurse squeezed my hand and said, “That’s good news indeed.”

If I told her “Thank you!” once, I told it to her fifty times. It’s funny how a stranger can suddenly feel like a good friend, can feel like she’s the actual comforting arms of Christ.

“Yet in those times of fear and isolation, the thick curtain between myself and heaven was replaced with a gauzier veil. And through that veil, I could more strongly sense and know the Savior’s presence, come what may.“

Arriving back home well after midnight, I felt awash in relief yet still lonely as I had no one to share the night’s events with. At the same time, I experienced an overwhelming sense of being seen and cared for.

Yes, I know that’s partially because, in this instance, things worked out as I’d desperately hoped, thanks be to the good Lord above. But more than that, on the way to the hospital when I held loneliness and fear rather than answers, I felt Jesus’ acute presence in a particularly powerful way.

You don’t get to be my age without experiencing the loneliness of hardship and loss that didn’t come with the grace of favorable answers. Yet in those times of fear and isolation, the thick curtain between myself and heaven was replaced with a gauzier veil. And through that veil, I could more strongly sense and know the Savior’s presence, come what may.

In the ER, would it have helped me to have someone pray with me and hold my hand as I agonized through a hundred what-ifs? Of course—a thousand times over.

The presence of Jesus through friends during hard times and regular times has given me unmeasurable relief and comfort through the years. Because whatever our circumstances, be it a difficult move or a difficult marriage or something else, a lack of friends makes any problem feel worse. It makes the loneliness we experience within our difficulties worse.

But in those scary minutes of intense loneliness at the hospital, I don’t know if I would’ve experienced the presence of the Lord to the degree I did if He hadn’t been all I had in that moment.

And in that moment, He was enough.

And so it goes with any and all of our seasons of loneliness. Though we’ll endure periods of isolation or separation within our lives, God will never, ever leave us on our own in our loneliness.

What’s more, we aren’t to endure it alone forever—God wants us to have our friends and support system. During desperate times as well as “regular life” times, He wants us to have our friends with whom we share the silly and the serious, the holy and the humdrum.

No matter what, God’s heart always beats for you (Romans 8:31). This isn’t only true when life goes as you’d like, surrounded by a plethora of friends. It’s also true in your long, lonely seasons when friends are few and far between.

May you know that even as you wait for your loneliness to lessen, even as you work through the pain of friendships and relationships lost and a lack of answers, God is working for your good and His glory.

He has friends in mind for you, dear heart—you’re not the anomaly.

Trust Him, because He’s surely got you and will see you through your lonely season.

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Kristen Strong, compiler of the book Praying Through Loneliness and author of other books too, writes as a friend walking alongside you in your lonely season to a more helpful, hopeful destination. She loves sharing laughs, long talks, and meaningful stories with family and friends while holding a cup of strong black tea. She and her USAF veteran husband, David, have three beloved adult children. As a military family, they zigzagged across the country (and one ocean) several times before calling Colorado home. Connect with Kristen at kristenstrong.com and read more about Praying Through Loneliness at prayingthroughloneliness.com

Praying Through Loneliness is a light for anyone walking in a dark, debilitating season of loneliness. With the current crisis of loneliness and lack of friendships in today’s culture, this 90-day devotional offers both lived perspective and attainable promise for how to find community and friends, especially within your difficult personal circumstances. Take comfort in the vulnerable, personal stories from more than forty women who share their honest experiences of feeling isolated, struggling to find friends, and still finding a meaningful way through. 

{Our humble thanks to Thomas Nelson for their partnership in today’s devotional.}