Thurs. Nov. 7, 2024: Grimly Resolute

image courtesy of Andrea Gschiel via pixabay.com

Thursday, November 7, 2024

Waxing Moon

Saturn, Neptune, Chiron, Uranus, Jupiter Retrograde

Cloudy and cooler

You can read the latest on the garden over on Gratitude and Growth.

The graphic for yesterday’s post said it all.

We are now in survival mode. So much for any hope for the future, or that I could actually do the work I want to do.

To say I am angry and disgusted is an understatement.

This is probably the last election I have the opportunity to vote in during my lifetime. Even if there is another “election” in 2028, the right to vote may have been stripped. I stand by my vote, and am glad I voted for a better future, even if millions of Americans did not. They can’t hide behind excuses this time. They can’t pretend it was about the price of eggs or about frustration with the “system.” They chose hate. They chose it because they like the way it makes them feel.

The next 20-40 years is on them. Unfortunately, we are the collateral damage.

But now it’s about survival. I’m not sure how the survival will happen, but that’s what it’s about.

Tuesday, needless to say, was a chaotic day. I managed to get a large grocery shopping done. Some stuff I ordered arrived. I’ll enjoy it, since I won’t be ordering anything for the foreseeable future. I renewed my AAA membership, because, you know, old car, will need help. I got a lot of work done for A4A. I enjoyed the warmth and sunshine. Might as well grab these small moments while they exist.

Went to gentle yoga, and I am glad that I did. I needed it.

Came home and cooked gnocchi, Brussel sprouts, and bacon, a new-to-me recipe. It was good, but not as great as I would have liked.

Spent the rest of my night getting my heart broken.

Got a couple of hours’ sleep, then up and trying to deal with things and make decisions. I scheduled my COVID shot for next Thursday morning. It will probably be the last time we can get these vaccines, so I want to make sure I get mine. I put in a request for a meeting with the health care navigator, hopefully for the following week, to get next year’s insurance sorted out, so at least we are covered for that through next year. After 2025, I doubt any of us will be able to afford insurance, unless we are corporate CEOs. Had some good news about a library program I will be involved in with several other collaborators next autumn. The date is set, and we are moving forward.

Wanted to apply to a bunch of jobs, but Indeed now insists you have to allow them access to your phone number and accept text messages from recruiters.  No. Just no. I have other sources to which to pitch. Also, it was hard to concentrate.

I did send out a couple of LOIs, and updated the STRANGERS IN THE SNOW links on the Delectable Digital Delights page. Handled some admin work.

It’s time to be both practical and tactical. It is a time to be grimly resolute. We have a couple of months to stockpile some resources and dig in. Once IT (because IT is not human and I will only refer to that creature as IT moving forward) takes office, we have to be ready for anything, and expect the worst. Because it will be even worse than we can imagine.

I am not “coming together to heal.” I am not working bi-partisanly. Anyone who supports IT gets nothing from me. No grace, no time, no energy. If and when I am forced to deal with IT supporters because of health care and other programs/issues that will be destroyed, I will be cordial and that is it. When I am physically threatened (because there is no avoiding that), I will attempt to disengage, but if that’s not possible, I will act decisively.

It is time to look to our foremothers who worked and fought and survived before the 19th Amendment was passed. Get the physical books while you can and keep them safe, preparing for the day when they will be removed from library shelves (if we even have libraries).

We can’t do everything. We have to pick our battles, and those will be different for each of us. We need to spell each other to get some rest when and where we can. We need to embody Tricia Hersey’s principle of “rest is resistance.” (I’m having visions of national nap-ins, but that’s at least a generation down the road).

They have been planning the next civil war since the last one, and actively implementing their plans since Reagan. Here we are.

The other thing to do is, whenever and wherever we can, live and love with fierce joy.

That is the best way to survive. Yes, there’s a lot of work to do, there will be death and violence and grief. So we love and love and LOVE. We laugh where we can. We are careful who we let in. We want and need to be inclusive and protect the most vulnerable; we also have to make sure no more of ITs supporters embed and destroy us from within the way they have up to now. We work on our local governments, and our communities, and hope those ripples can reach far enough to touch each other.

We find and nurture true leaders for the future.

I will enjoy whatever I can in my life for as long as I can.

On a practical level yesterday, I started running out of steam by about lunch time. I turned around a couple of tiny coverages. I did some work for A4A. I hope to get it finished and out the door today.

I checked in with various friends and cohorts, letting them know that yes, we’re not okay, but I’m grateful they’re in my life.

My instinct was to hunker down, but I decided to go to tarot in the afternoon. Most of us there had had that same hunkering instinct, but made the decision we needed to be together. We were glad we did. We need each other now, and moving forward. We will be grieving for a long time, probably for the rest of my lifetime at the very least. We need to experience everything we feel and not try to push it aside or deny it, or it will come back with a fury when we can least cope.

Came home, cooked dinner, crashed on the couch and read for a little bit. Charlotte and Tessa stuck close. Willa ran around, knowing there’s tension, but not knowing why. Bea creeps closer, close enough to sniff and then pull back, not wanting to be petted, but wanting to be close. My mom is upset and worried she will lose her social security. Hopefully, social security won’t be abruptly halted in the next couple of years, although it’s highly unlikely that I’ll ever see mine.

Went to bed early. Woke up at 2:30 this morning, shaking as though I had a fever. But it wasn’t a fever; I’d clenched myself so tightly in sleep that my body couldn’t take it anymore. Tried to relax and doze off again, but gave up by 5:30.

Hopefully, our meditation leader shows up for meditation this morning. We need the sangha. I have to say I’m pleased by the way various yoga and meditation organizations stepped up yesterday to offer comfort and care.

On today’s agenda, I will try to either write or work on marketing. TAPESTRY releases next Tuesday no matter what, so I damn well have to market, even with the world burning down (although I will wait until Monday to start). I need to do the videos for MURDER BELLS, for STRANGERS IN THE SNOW, and do multi-project marketing for both Nina Bell books and for the holiday shorts. I still have bills to pay.

I hope more coverages come in (I’m trying not to panic); if not, I will turn around the next book for review. I will finish up the materials A4A needs. I may go to yoga, if I can get my act together. I’m going to try to get out some more LOIs today. It’s the last week of rehearsal for my show (and yes, I checked in with my actors yesterday). Next Tuesday, we record.

I’m sure my emotions will be all over the place again, and I will be okay with that.

Take care, be well, and know you matter.