Affirm and Inspire— and One of the Most Important Letters I Don’t Remember Writings
The other day, yesterday in fact, my wife and I were leading a seminar at a church in Baguio City, Philippines. There were between 30 and 40 people there— perhaps 1/3 of them were people we knew. One we definitely know is Roland (I am using a pseudonym here, meaning that the one thing you know is that his name is NOT Roland). In our early years in Baguio I knew Roland very well, and worked together at times when he was not out of the country doing employed on a ship. I really had not seen him in many years except occasionally on social media. He came up to me and said,
“I don’t know if you remember the letter you gave me years ago, but I still have it.”
I did not remember it, and I got a little nervous. Especially in my early years in the Philippines, I could be a bit brusque or even downright grumpy. Did I write a grumpy or complaining letter to him? I did not think I had a reason to… but since I didn’t remember the letter, perhaps I didn’t remember the circumstances of the letter either. I replied apologetically that I did not remember writing the letter, but hoped that it was a good one. Roland continued:
“You wrote me a letter encouraging me to consider, at some point in time, to go into a full-time ministry. That really meant a lot to me. In fact, I kept it and put it up on the bulkhead on my ship to remind me. Now I am retired from my job, and serve full-time as one of the elders of this church.”
I expressed my happiness, and some relief, at this news. I was glad that I was able to inspire him in some way. I wrote that letter back in 2005 or maybe 2006, closing in on 20 years ago… and that letter still had impact on him today. That got me thinking about times I was affirmed and inspired.
A. In 2002, the pastor of our church in the United States sent me an email. It expressed his dream (as in hope or desire— he would not see himself as having a prophetic gifting) that within 2 years my wife and I would either be serving on the staff of our church, or serving through the church as missionaries elsewhere in the world. We did not act on that immediately, but it did really get us thinking and planning. 2 years later, we were still not on the staff or serving overseas… but we had the tickets. Two years and two months after the email we were on a flight to the Philippines.
B. In 2006, we were at seminary in the Philippines. One of professors saw me walking in the quad. He came up to me and said, “I wanted to tell you… maybe call it a prophecy… that I see you going on and completing your doctorate in seminary.” I can’t remember if I verbalized it, or just thought, “You know what God says about false prophets, don’t you?” Of course I knew my professor— he did not embrace a prophetic role. He was seeking to affirm and inspire me. At the time I sort of discounted it. I was in the Philippines to do ministry work, NOT to get education I thought I didn’t need. But those words grabbed me, and I did go on for my Doctor of Theology. I did not continue on for a PhD, but he did not say what TYPE of doctorate.
C. In 1985, I got a different affirmation and inspiring comment. I was attending a Christian college back then and I was in what was called a “Pre-Engineering” program. At the time they did not have a full 4-year program for Engineering. So one could take 2 years of the foundational courses, and then transfer to another college or university to finish the final two years to have my degree. One day, one of my professors walked out with me from class. He said, “Bob, I was wondering if you might consider changing your major over to Mathematics.” He was a Math professor, and the college had a full Math major. My focus was on Mechanical Engineer. Although I did not follow that path (I left a few months later to finish my mechanical engineering degree elsewhere), it felt good to have my work affirmed… by someone who is competent to evaluate. That was almost 40 years ago, but still his words are firmly set in my memory.
I forget sometimes how important it is to affirm and inspire. I am not alone in this. I have met people who really downplay it. Some, perhaps correctly, look down on too much affirmation (“Gold stars for everyone!!”). However, a well-considered affirmation and inspiration can be vital in guiding the path of a person. Most of us do tend towards a bit of “imposter syndrom”— questioning whether we belong or are simply surviving and faking it.
I struggle with this— proper affirmation and inspiration. In my present ministry work (teaching and running a counseling center) I am often NOT quick to inspire. I think it is because I confuse three very different things.
#1. Cheering Up.
#2. Selling an Idea.
#3. Affirming and Inspiring.
If I think someone is struggling and figure that I should say something nice, let them know “You can do it,” I am not necessarily affirming and inspiring. I just want them to try a little harder. This is important at times, but it is different.
If I am trying to grab someone and pull them into my vision as a volunteer, again this may not be so much about inspiring them… but just selling them on my idea.
Sometimes, people need #3… I evaluate who they are and how God has gifted them, and seek to affirm them in what I have seen and inspire them to greater things.
