The Art of Finding Happiness

When I became ill, my world felt as though it was closing in. I could no longer engage in the activities that once brought me joy—swimming, travelling, dining out. My routine became mundane, prompting me to question whether I could still find happiness within these new constraints. To my surprise, I discovered that happiness doesn’t rely on constant thrills; it thrives on contrast. This realisation taught me that the relentless chase for unending happiness is, in fact, an impossible mission. This is why most of us pursue happiness, yet it often seems elusive.

To truly understand happiness, we must first explore the biological factors that govern it, particularly the role of hormones. Let’s unpack how our bodies manage these feelings, the importance of contrast, and how we can cultivate a peaceful state that supports genuine happiness.


𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬

A complex interplay of hormones largely governs happiness, but here are a few key players.

𝘿𝙤𝙥𝙖𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙚
Often referred to as the “feel-good” hormone, dopamine is released during pleasurable activities and achievements. It rewards our brains for actions that contribute to our well-being.

𝙎𝙚𝙧𝙤𝙩𝙤𝙣𝙞𝙣
This hormone contributes to feelings of happiness and stability. It helps regulate mood, sleep, and appetite, promoting an overall sense of well-being.

𝙊𝙭𝙮𝙩𝙤𝙘𝙞𝙣
Known as the “love hormone,” oxytocin is released during social bonding, hugs, and other forms of physical affection, deepening our connections with others.

𝙀𝙣𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙥𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙨
These natural painkillers are released during exercise, laughter, and even certain foods, helping us cope with stress and enhancing our mood.

While these hormones contribute to feelings of happiness, our bodies are designed to prevent us from being in a constant state of euphoria. If we were flooded with these hormones permanently, we would simply do more of the triggering activity, and neglect essential survival activities like working and eating. Our bodies are not designed to pump happy hormones indefinitely. They require periods of emotional contrast to recognise and appreciate happiness when it occurs.

This is why the saying “joy wouldn't feel so good if it wasn't for pain” holds true. Without experiencing a state other than happiness (such as sadness or discomfort), we couldn’t identify happiness.


𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

Interestingly, the release of happy hormones doesn’t depend on the specific activities we engage in but rather on the contrast between our emotional states. Whether it’s a hunter-gatherer finishing a mud hut or an executive closing a multi-billion-dollar deal, the feelings of joy arise from the journey and struggles that precede these moments of achievement. Without the lows, the highs lose their significance.

Our obsession with happiness sends us on the pursuit of evermore extreme experiences to trigger happiness. We raise the stakes for generating the contrast needed to create happy hormones. As a result, the simpler everyday joys that used to make us happy are no longer enough. Consider the delight of children running through sprinklers on a hot summer day; that joy is often more profound than any elaborate vacation or expensive toys. By recognising that happiness can be triggered by these simpler moments, we can shift our focus away from a relentless chase for happiness and instead aspire to have meaningful down states that prepare us for our next happy moment.

Endlessly chasing happiness is a fool’s errand for happiness needs a contrast. The contrast needs not be sadness or anger. The downstate we should aspire to, and cultivate, is peace. Let peace be your restful state of happiness.


𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞

Downtime to generate the necessary contrast can be a peaceful respite—a restful state that complements happiness. The body can recognise the contrast between peace and happiness. Here are some strategies to cultivate peace in your life:

𝟭｡ 𝘿𝙧𝙖𝙬 𝘽𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨
Establishing clear boundaries helps protect your emotional space. Learning to say no and walking away from toxic situations can create a more peaceful environment, allowing you to recharge and reconnect with yourself. It is more likely that a toxic situation will change you (for the worse) than having you change it (for the better).

𝟮｡ 𝙇𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝘼𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮
Embrace who you are instead of trying to be someone else. Authenticity fosters self-acceptance and reduces internal conflict, making it easier to find peace. When you live true to yourself, your mind and emotions align, creating a harmonious state. It is often difficult to hear our inner voice amidst the noise of societal expectations. Carve out some quiet time for yourself, and listen carefully.

𝟯｡ 𝙈𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝘼𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙋𝙖𝙨𝙩 𝙂𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙨
Letting go of past grievances can lift a significant emotional burden. Holding onto resentment or anger can cloud your ability to find peace. Acknowledging and addressing these feelings allows for healing and a clearer path toward happiness. The past can no longer harm us as it is not actively happening. Making amends does not mean changing the situation or repairing relationships. It's letting go of expectations that it should have happened differently for you. Accept the lesson in the grief and how it shaped you into the worthy person you are today.

𝟰｡ 𝙋𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙈𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙛𝙪𝙡𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨
Mindfulness encourages us to stay present and acknowledge our emotions without judgment. By practising mindfulness, we can observe our thoughts and feelings, allowing for greater acceptance of both happy and sad moments. Resistance is suffering. No amount of anxiety is going to change the outcome.

𝟱｡ 𝙀𝙢𝙗𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙚 𝙏𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙘𝙚
Recognise that emotions—both good and bad—are transient. Just as happiness comes and goes, so do struggles. By adopting a mindset that sees emotions as temporary, we can approach life with greater resilience and not take things so seriously.


𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐏𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐞

In our search for happiness, we often overlook the essential role of contrast. Downtime is a necessary component of our emotional landscape, allowing us to prepare for and trigger exhilarating feelings of joy. Ultimately, the art of finding happiness lies in our willingness to accept the ebb and flow of life.

By acknowledging the interplay of hormones, we can find a more balanced and fulfilling approach to happiness. Happiness is not a permanent destination but a transient feeling that can only be triggered by contrasting feelings. We can nurture inner peace between moments of joy instead of having sadness or anger be our contrasting states.