Matt and Nev in their usual seats 6

MATT AND NEV IN THEIR USUAL SEATS 6
David Williams


FX                                                    PUB ATMOS


MATT                                              Tell ye a thing they should bring out. (BEAT)
                                                         Beer-flavoured crisps.


NEV                                                Ye reckon?


MATT                                              Oh aye. Cos see, suppose you eat a cheese
                                                        ‘n’ onion crisp, then you have a sup o your
                                                        pint, that sup’s spoilt cos it tastes all cheesy.


NEV                                                An oniony.


MATT                                              Exactly. But if you had a beer-flavoured crisp,
                                                        you wouldn’t be wastin any o your drink.


NEV                                                Right. (BEAT) But if you think about it, they
                                                        don’t need to go to all the bother o making
                                                        beer-flavoured crisps.


MATT                                              Why not?
NEV                                                Cos you could just get plain-flavoured crisps,
                                                        right... an dunk em in your beer.


MATT                                              Doesn’t work.


NEV                                                How d’ ye know?


MATT                                              Cos I just this minute tried it. What happens
                                                        is, your crisps go soggy in your beer, an they
                                                        drop off your fingers an make a horrible mush
                                                        in the bottom o your glass.


NEV                                                Well, your pint looks clear enough to me.


MATT                                              (COOLLY) That’s cos I used yours.


NEV                                                (REACTS. FADE ON NEV’S DISGUST)


END