Astronaut Boy Forgets Stars Still Exist When He’s Not Looking At Them
Oscar Mateo
the night i declared my
body galaxy, i tried to break
a telescope
i was houston with a problem
rocket science wouldn’t fix
someone once told me that
the night sky is only a
snapshot of millenia ago
or that a constellation is a
kind of shattering that
even light speed ain’t
fast enough to keep up
…
You can find the rest of the poem and others here.
The poem “Astronaut Boy Forgets Stars Still Exist When He’s Not Looking At Them” explores profound themes of self-awareness, the passage of time, and the complex relationship between existence and pain, particularly through the lens of gender identity and cosmic imagery. The speaker’s description of their body as a “galaxy” suggests a vast range of experiences and emotions, highlighting a multifaceted identity that defies simplistic definitions. By breaking a telescope, the speaker rejects conventional methods of viewing their body and experiences, emphasizing the struggle for self-understanding in a world that imposes rigid labels.
“Astronaut Boy’s” structure enhances its themes, featuring uneven stanzas that create a fragmented feeling, mirroring the chaos of the speaker’s thoughts. The varied lengths and flow contribute to a sense of turmoil, with line breaks adding pauses that emphasize key ideas. For instance, the line “the night sky is only a snapshot of millennia ago” underscores the disconnect between past and present, illustrating how we carry remnants of history within us.
References to atomic nuclei reflect the delicate nature of connection, resonating with the experiences of those navigating gender identity. The notion that “bruising bones” can affirm existence speaks to the pain often felt on this journey, where physical reminders serve as validation.
Scientific references—like telescopes and light speed—add complexity, suggesting an attempt to understand oneself through logic while revealing its limits. Phrases like “that is to say” draw connections between ideas, reinforcing the intertwining of personal pain and cosmic existence. The poem also highlights how identity is shaped by history and external perceptions, particularly in gender, where societal expectations can feel like distant stars—both guiding and unattainable.
The mention of “alive and dead” stars parallels the speaker’s feelings of existence and invisibility in their identity journey, while “Schrödinger’s sad little pet” captures the uncertainty many face when navigating gender identity. This interplay of scientific references creates a contrast between rationality and emotional struggle, suggesting that understanding oneself is as intricate as the cosmos. The poem ultimately reveals that pain can validate existence, with the concluding thoughts on bruising bones reinforcing the connection between physicality and identity.
“Astronaut Boy,” powerfully conveys a message about the intricacies of self-perception and the weight of history. It shifts from grand cosmic ideas to intimate reflections on scars, emphasizing the speaker’s struggle with identity and existence. This movement from the macro to the micro supports the exploration of self-awareness and the complexities of gender identity, highlighting the tension between vast possibilities and personal understanding.
