Keeping it in the family.

 “Silence is a weapon for the oppressed, but your voice is a tool for liberation.”

If you could revisit one moment in your life, with what you know today, what would you change or say to your young self?

I would tell my younger self to trust my inner self but not to trust certain members of my family. Just because they are family doesn’t mean they have your best interests at heart.

Look what happened to the parents of Virginia McCullough Great Baddow, Essex, England. A younger daughter murdered her parents and hid their bodies in the house where she lived with them for four years. It was a doctor who reported her parents’ disappearance to the police.

I realised I was too trusting and caring towards others who didn’t deserve it.
And before you tell me to let go and move on please let me explain.
I have spent years bottling it up, creating the perfect family I wanted to be part of in my head. Making excuses for someone’s behaviour towards me.
It was only when talking to someone just recently all the pieces fell in place and a great weight was lifted from my shoulders.

Many years ago, things got too difficult for me and I had no one I could turn to for help I did the unthinkable. I thought ‘no one really cares about me.’
After my young son came and told me how much he loved me I threw up the pills I had swallowed. The next day I went to the doctor, he phoned a certain family member to ask them to run me to the hospital.
On the journey to the hospital they moaned and complained about how I was ruining their day. I told them to stop the car and let me out so they could get on with their day.
Not once did they ask me why, not once did they ask me why I hadn’t turned to them for help.
Throughout my life, I blamed myself. I was worthless in other people’s eyes.
Why couldn’t I be like them? I mean you used to eat meat. These silly ideas of yours. He’s only after your money. How long is this relationship going to last?
Give up work to be an author, what you expect others to support you, do you? Etc…,

Why do we allow others to define us, to shape who we are as people?

In three months’ time, I will take back my life completely and become the person I should have been if I hadn’t allowed the criticism from the person to shape me.
The spite, belittling and pure nastiness that dominated my life because our mother was too frightened to upset her.
‘Sisters should forgive each other no matter what! So forgive her.

Yes, you are right, it is time to move on to let go. I’m just sorry I never spoke to my brother about what was happening to me, and he was suffered the same without telling me.
That’s the problem people don’t talk, speak out about nasty family members simply because they are family members and they are too ashamed to admit to what is happening. Mental abuse is just as painful as physical pain.

Maybe if the parents of Virginia McCullough had spoken to the other children that they were worried about her behaviour they might be alive today, but they trusted their daughter, well you would, wouldn’t you?

Be kind to yourself because you are worth it.

Chat again soon.