To Wipe or Not to Wipe…That is the question…
My wife knows how much I love to write about weird and unusual topics, so last week, she blurted something like, “Hey, there’s an article on the right way to wipe your butt.” Of course, I was interested. But could I actually write an entire blog on that? Yup, I sure could! Here’s the riveting information I learned because I know you all want to hear about this oddly fascinating topic:
First, the article asks, “Do you always need to wipe?” The answer is yup. Sorry, no drip dry on the side of the road or in the middle of the night while tent camping. Wiping improperly can increase the risk of a UTI (urinary tract infection) and vaginitis. And yes, there is a proper wiping technique to avoid infection.There are a variety of different ways that people hold their toilet paper: Folding: A method generally preferred by men, folders fold the toilet paper into neat squares before wiping. Fifty-four percent of people claim to be a folder.Crumpling: Crumplers press the toilet paper into a loosely shaped ball before wiping. Twenty-six percent of people cite using this method, and it is heavily skewed to women.Hand Wrapping: The remaining nine percent are wrappers. They wrap the toilet paper around their hand to form a rudimentary glove they then use to wipe with.Combination: Combo folks use a combination of techniques, starting with one and then switching to another on subsequent wipes.Wetters: Wetting toilet paper before wiping. Some folks opt to wet their toilet paper for a more thorough cleaning. The disadvantage to this technique is that the paper will start to break down and then it doesn’t work. Side note: my mother had pretty significant OCD, and it manifested itself in her need for cleanliness. She would literally wash herself with a washcloth every time she went. I believe she was in a category all her own.Recommendation on wiping front to back or back to front. If a person has no physical limitations preventing them from reaching around their body to wipe from front to back, this is considered the preferred and safer route. Why? Because you’ll be moving feces away from your more delicate parts and lowering the risk of infection (sorry for the ick factor). This also helps prevent an itchy bum.Now the real fun…how to properly clean your butt…Honest, there are several things you should know about this, like how many times you wipe after number two and what to do if, after several wipes, there is still poo. Unfortunately, there’s no hard and fast rule regarding how many times you should wipe, as every bowel movement differs. The best rule of thumb is to continue to use additional sheets of toilet paper until you feel clean. A quick glance at the paper can reveal the answer (it’s okay, we all look.) Be sure to pat, never scrub, and be gentle when wiping. Don’t use too much force when wiping, and never use a scrubbing motion. It can cause microtears, and then bacteria can enter. If you’ve wiped multiple times but still aren’t clean, you might have an underlying health concern. But don’t worry if this happens only occasionally.
Now, I don’t know how any of this information is helpful with writing a scene in a book. Most of us avoid describing in detail any of those everyday bathroom scenes, mainly including eliminating waste. The one exception, of course, is the infamous sex in the shower scene-harder than it looks without drowning-but very popular with readers! Of course, I have books with the shower sex scene but never scenes describing proper wiping techniques. Perhaps I could include a discussion of the topic for comic relief. I have been prone to do that before! You all know the drill. If you want to read any of my books, just click the links below!
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